rJ banters

Death In The Family

2012-02-13T03:23:00.001+08:00

"Say: Truly, my prayer and my service of sacrifice, my life and my death, are (all) for Allah, the Lord of the Worlds.” – Al-An’am, 6:162

ONE WEEK has passed... The moments indeed zipped by us just like that. Like water flowing down a smooth, even surface, time went by so swiftly over the span of a hectic and trying week.

The experience of loss after a death in the family has not entirely sunk in yet. Relatives, friends and neighbours - both distant and close - had paid the family a visit over the past few days upon discovering the news of the passing thus, keeping family members rather busy and occupied. On top of that, there were also errands to run and administrative household matters to settle.

In some times of quietness, silence and solitude, the memory of the departed occasionally lingered. Then, sadness becomes unbearable and overwhelming to control like the surge of flood water gushing from nowhere...

For the immediate family, death becomes a test of faith and strength of familial ties while each member seemingly stands firm, strong and rooted to their own grounds to cope and continue a pursuit to carry on lives. In the period of bereavement, death brings them together and closely-knitted, and giving them power to discover stories of courage, disappointment and hope as moments that celebrate and capture the life of the recently deceased are shared.

In truth, the passing of Dad is still hard for me to take. Finding it almost unbelievable and still untrue, his demise came at a time none of the family of five had hoped for. Nonetheless, Fate was accepted and that the worst was to come as Dad’s condition continued to deteriorate from day to day...

Since his return from the hospital after the colon carcinoma surgery in mid-January, everything went downhill. The family, especially Mom, had to cope with the strenuous mental, physical and emotional challenge after Dad became bed-ridden almost immediately. The stress on the family was tremendous as neither of us could understand how Dad had lost so much weight, often losing an appetite to eat despite plea and concern in the light of wanting him to recover from his sickness.

The memory of what happened during the final moments on the deathbed last Sunday evening is still fresh and vivid in my mind. In the presence of Mom and my younger sister, I held on tightly to Dad’s already skeletally thin arms and fingers, hoping to comfort and giving him with some warmth.

As we moved to sit him upright, Dad was overcome by breathlessness and that was when all went by too quickly to comprehend. I watched in silence as my frail-looking mother was unrelenting in offering prayers and comforting words. Her voice grew louder in sadness and despair with the exhalation of Dad’s very last breath.

My heart raced as it was painful to see Mom that despite her showing strength and courage, a true picture of grief and hope being smashed into smithereens painted on her face. All I could do was sat in disbelief while Dad lay motionless. My hands still held on to the body which was then cold and clammy.

My inner voice screamed for help. My thoughts and prayers were extended yet Dad continued lay still while I still held on to him, hoping that he would revive and live. But it was not to be.

Mom had asked my sister to call for the paramedics. Meanwhile, she placed the stethoscope on Dad seeking for any signs of life. Hope was lost when my sister confirmed there was no pulse or heartbeat.

The paramedics came and Dad was pronounced dead at 1821hrs...

To this day, I have not really spoken about his passing. Silently dealing with my inner feelings, emotions and thoughts that I may unconsciously keep it buried and hidden.

However, I am not ready to share whatever it is that I should. And I am uncertain if I will for it might only reveal my weaknesses and the emotional baggage I may have carried through the years. Something that I am not prepared to do...

God's Mercy be upon you, Dad.

Tell Me

2012-02-09T02:27:00.002+08:00

Photo source: http://www.deviantart.com

Tell me,

what am I to do?

To listen to my weakened heart

and steer the uncertain chart.

Take stride in the unfolding path given

mulling over a surface winding yet uneven.

And

Only to find myself in that state

Where all ends to nothing but a devastate...

But

Really,

what am I to do?

Almost forsaken in the blue

Grasping onto Hope to sail me through.

- written on 9 February 2012 @ 0200hrs

Work Companions...

2012-02-01T22:05:00.000+08:00

THESE are my companions are work...

Cute, aren't they?

Spring Awakening musical

2012-01-29T11:35:00.000+08:00

ANYONE keen to watch this?

The Tummy/Belly Issue

2012-01-24T23:43:00.001+08:00

SOME GUYS have it, some guys don't. But in time to come, many guys just can't run away from it (or so they say...).

The tummy or the belly – often developed as man ages from his youth into adulthood through the different stages of maturity. The physiological change is said to be an undeniable fact and can be described as a rite of passage for males in their mid- or late twenties, into their thirties, forties, fifties and so forth.

Fearful that one day my flat and not-so-well-defined 6-packs develop into one mass of bulging package of the abdomen, I am cautious and more aware of the state of my stomach. God forbids. I so badly wish for the belly issue not to happen.

Such a state not only inhibits the sight of my manhood should I look down to admire my feet, it certainly affects the esteem and pride when I go on a skinny dipping spree...

Frankly, I shudder at the thought that as I look at myself in the mirror some day, I would squeal in horror to find a persisting tummy.

Then, I would choose to shut myself from the outside world, shave my head bald and live my life as a hermit.

No more swimming at the pools or walking topless along the beaches to expose and flaunt myself for fear of being the subject insult of the public and other better looking guys.

Okay, a little extreme there. So I admit that my vanity has kept me at the tip of my toes. That I usually take a little bit of time to make sure that I am constantly in good shape. That I ensure despite my busy schedule, I must engage in physical exercises or activities twice each week. While I may not exactly watch what I eat since blessed with high metabolic rate, I consciously make an effort to swim, jog or even do simple routine exercises at home.

I may not be like some other men who seem to have accepted and submitted themselves to Fate, according the asset of the stomach to something which is inevitable and a given. In fact, my alarm sets ticking at the sight of men with bulging tummies of different shapes and sizes. I frown at the fact that these men have resigned and allowed themselves to poke fun of their own belly and become the joke of the day. Sometimes, I wonder whether their lack of discipline to keep in shape is the result of laziness or excessive food consumption, drinking and booze.

It is every man's dream of having a flat tummy...

However, I remember some people told me that all will change once I get myself married and raise a family. And that I will begin to neglect the self for more important matters that require immediate energy and attention. Then lo and behold, I will become like any other married men I see on the streets, destined to have the prized possession at the stomach...

Gosh. No, no, no! I cannot imagine or envision myself in such a worrying state.

Perhaps, this might also be one other reason why I have chosen to remain single and unmarried...

Un-happy Me, Please.

2012-01-16T07:45:00.001+08:00

WE DON’T plan for things to happen. Yet when those things happen without you realising, life as we already know it takes a turn. It then affects and changes the course that you may have set for and in the end, changes the way you view life ahead. In turn, it influences your perspective of the world and people around you. The future no longer holds what you dearly wish for to be in the end...

Somehow, I realise now that somewhere in your lifeline, there are events – whether controllable or not –that simply puts you to the test of your strength, courage and Faith. And when you try to put them together and begin to make sense of it all, you realise the extent and gravity of it all. Then, it overwhelms you and renders you emotionless.

Many times, I take a step back and reflect. There were moments that make me cringe with embarrassment. There are those that make me heave a sigh of relief as well as those that make my heart sink like the Titanic. But far too often, I find myself pointing the fingers at me for all that happened.

I do not know why and I do not know how. And I certainly do not like the feeling that I am to be blamed and it is my fault.

Pause now.

I know my statements above and the following may all sound very wishy washy or to some extent, nonsensical but just bear with me as my feelings and thoughts flow from an incessant form of amalgamated introspection into poor, unintelligible writing.

Certainly, circumstances have affected how I view myself in the whole scheme of things. At most times, I have questioned my role in shaping the way they are now. It feels most unpleasant. It is most unhappy.

One thing for sure, a straining-turned-sour relationship has affected how I see myself and in turn, my relation with others. Bearing the brunt of what had happened only crippled my self esteem, pride and outlook of self. I became sceptical about myself, fearing that all I will only do is to hurt the other. The past haunts me and I could do nothing but remain distant from all efforts of saving it falling from grace. The only thing I want is to break free from those chains. And I desperately seek it not because I am selfish but I cannot go through the motion any longer.

A recent uneventful situation within the family questioned my futile role that eventually led me to ponder about my background and the past. While resilience is a value I treasure while growing up in a family of low-income struggling to make it in the fast-changing and vicious pace of life, I asked myself if I had done enough in standing up to the challenges which were often obtrusive. I contemplated on the decision I made many years ago to lead a private life.

And I seek answers unresolved to why I am the way I am, and who I am. I forced my way to recall my younger days but no fond, happy and unforgettable memories I could conjure. If there were, they would be like sparklers that only sustain the cheers and joys within just minutes. Then, it's gone. Wait, you mean my childhood was gloomy, bleak and forgettable?

At this juncture, I hear many voices inside of me screaming to be heard. But how? My lips are often so tight that no words of mouth could verbalise the truth in actuality. The introverted me is killing. I wonder why I am such a passive moron whom at most times, bury deep feelings and not express the opinion, particularly the emotion that affect me most.

Pause again.

Lousiness sets in. To an extent, I cursed and swore at this useless, pathetic creature for feeling unworthy and worthless.

Sigh. I have digressed from my initial intentions of writing this entry.

Perhaps, I need therapy. Un-happy me, please...

Having Closure

2012-01-02T11:13:00.002+08:00

HAVING closure is a way of showing that one is concerned about those that matters most. It is an avenue of assuring that whatever happened in the past will not begrudged and therefore any hurt or hard feelings associated with it is forgiven and in a way, forgotten. With acceptance to matters of undeniable facts discussed heart to heart, it allows parties involved to come to a resolution thus allowing them another platform of a promising start.

For example, it is usually a common practice by the Malay Muslim community at every Eid celebration (usually during the Eidul Fitri) people come together to seek forgiveness from one another for the past wrong doings. Regardless of age and status, the young and/or the old will cast aside their pride and convey their apologies for what they had done, and garnering hopes for a relationship to begin anew.

This ritual has deeper meaning for immediate family members as they find time to sit together and pour out their grievances and regrets of the past. Such occasion can be very heartwarming and emotional but at the end of it all, there is a common understanding as every family member acknowledges, accepts and therefore attains some kind of closure. But this is just one formal way which the community practices and there are other informal situations that members of the other communities will also do.

Then there are also many who seek closure at the eleventh hour by reflecting on the year that is passing and looking ahead on the new year that is ahead. They write on social media networks such as blogs and Facebook, expressing themselves of their regrets and sorrows for the year that has not been promising due to circumstances. New resolutions will be made and affirmations of keeping them be told that it gets amusing when you read how people list the 1001 things to do and not to do for the new year. But a new year, a new you, they will say. Well, whatever...

Some attempts at closures just do not always pull through and it is these that usually require one to dive deep to the root of the situation. Often then, such requires longer time and far more greater energy as the matter becomes prolonged and likely to cause spillovers into more days ahead.

But sometimes, the gravity of the situation could not allow people to agree or come to a consensus on how burning issues can be resolved hence, painfully settling for another day to try to come to a solution. More grievances, more hurt, more headaches, more heartaches...

Clearly, we seek closures so that we can move on and live life. Yet we cannot celebrate that new lease of life when haunted and burdened by issues where steadfastness in decision-making, etc is absent and knowing that a resolution to such will not come by that easily.

Through The Lens...

2012-01-02T00:15:00.003+08:00

Visit the link for more photo sets: rJ on Flickr

Through the lens...

2011-12-26T23:10:00.000+08:00

JUST a glimpse of my recent trip to Japan... More photos to come. If you're already on my Facebook, you can find a small selection of the photographs uploaded there too :)

What It Could Have Been

2011-12-24T14:13:00.001+08:00

THE YEAR is finally drawing to an end. With only days left and counting, anxiety sets in as I wonder if things will remain how they have been, generating a spillover of similar events into the following new year.

It was supposed to have been a decent day to celebrate my birthday yesterday - to spend my time alone for me to reflect on a journey of things that had happened. For some reasons, what was supposed to be a considerably happy occasion turned lousy, sombre and moody. I could not even grant myself that simple wish that I want for that day that I became flustered and upset. The grand plan to pamper myself with breakfast and good spread of food at lunch and dinner time, and engaging myself in a string of activities that I just want to pursue on my own crumbled to ashes.

None of those happened. In fact, I almost killed all intentions to spend time outdoors. Eventually, I found myself watching an IMAX movie that cheered me up temporarily followed by endless, aimless walking. A waste of time.

And the rain that fell so heavily from the sky only aggravated the temperament for the day.. I kept on walking.. and walking disregarding the growling stomach and hunger pangs that struck at every passing of a food place.

I walked along Orchard Road in the drizzle, making a visit to the much hyped and newly opened Abercrombie & Fitch store. The place was a bore. The loud music irked me and I found nothing interesting about the two-storey fashion outlet. But unlike the concept store in Japan, I didn't have to climb up the 11-storey high staircase. Within 7 minutes of patronising the almost-packed boutique, I left.

Then, the walking began. Orchard Road. Plaza Singapura. Chjimes. Raffles City. Marina Square. Esplanade. Marina Bay Sands. Collyer Quay. Raffles Place. Lau Pa Sat. China Square. Chinatown. Maxwell Road. Tanjong Pagar. Chinatown. Raffles Place. Singapore River. Central. Clarke Quay. Fort Canning.

Photo source (left): Flickr.com

I refused to be in the company of people because being away from them avoids the stress and complications which only add pressure to the already chaotic state of mind and heart. More so ever since I came back from a trip to Japan a few days ago. Yet somehow, I could not comprehend how and why such request of wanting to be left alone could not even be acceded to... Frustration drove me even further up the wall.

What a way to celebrate this day and remember it, I thought to myself feeling disappointed and more upset.

While walking, I could not put my thoughts into thinking and reflecting on what I was supposed to do. Affected so much by the fact that I did not even have a good start to the day, my mind was cluttered with matters I could not even describe or relate to.

My head was aching a little. My feet were tired and thankfully, my shoes were dry by the time the Mission Impossible 4 movie ended. I wanted to walk on but it was already a Saturday at 0230hrs and my eyes were rather sore and droopy.

And so I gave up the thought and flagged down a taxi home. An end to what could have been a humble but meaningful experience.

2011-11-24T22:28:00.000+08:00

"IS it You I'm looking for.....?"

Dress Up For Dinner Time!

2011-11-21T23:25:00.000+08:00

JUST a random photo since I was bored while waiting for my colleague, Kamal, getting himself dressed into a ~~terrorist~~ I meant, oil sheikh for an annual Staff Dinner at Concorde Hotel last Friday... Apparently, the dinner will be my last with the bunch of lovely, wonderful colleagues...

2011-11-14T08:19:00.001+08:00

WHEN I arrived at the office this morning, these boxes were what I found:

Then, a sudden sadness brushed me...

Moments Captured But...

2011-11-12T10:14:00.000+08:00

I WONDER...

Photographs capture the moments we wish to stop them from running away. They are memories we will never cease to look back at.

How will the memories of me be like and how am I being remembered by those whom I leave behind some day?

One of the Hardest Thing to Do Is...

2011-11-12T00:44:00.001+08:00

WE'VE always encountered moments that involve decisions and actions to take in order to get ourselves moving on with the daily routines of an otherwise mundane life cycle. Sometimes, decisions are quick to make which of course, makes life easier because it requires least use of the brain energy to think and therefore, perform the action.

You might find this shallow but one of the hardest thing to do involves the clearing a workstation that represents years and years of your hard work. As I sat and watched the heap of papers, the rows of colourful files and the collection of books (some of which may have drawn dusts and cobwebs) including other treasuries that have been residing (and building up over the years) under the desk, questions like how and where to start with , what to throw away and what to keep surface every now and then.

Above photo: The current state of my workstation.

It's already been a few days and progress at clearing my desk to make way for another colleague to occupy my safe haven - as well as in preparation for my departure to greener pastures - is very slow. Most of the time was spent mulling over what to do with some of the worksheets, handouts, notes, instructions and letters that were created since almost the time when I stepped into office. I knew that most of which I just have to throw away.

As I skimmed through each and every one of the papers kept neatly preserved in the transparent plastic folders, I was reminded of the effort I had made in order to deliver and share the knowledge to the mass of young minds. Oh, the painstaking minutes to hours to craft something so simple yet crucial in the process of teaching and learning...

While experiencing the heartbreaking moments of dumping unwanted papers into the thrash bags one after another, there were heartfelt ones too as I stumbled upon works of pupils of my early teaching stints.

Surprised that I still keep some of them for memory sake, I began to recall the silly but unforgettable times and they brought back a recollection of memories, which would have otherwise been shoved in some dark corners of my mind.

Above photo: One of the earlier works with my first eager beavers and wonderful batch of pupils in the classroom.

Then, I remembered their faces, some are either clear or distant, and some names lost and forgotten after dealing with so many people over the years... Some of whom I still keep in contact with till this day.

Heaving a big sigh, I sat back on the swiveling chair while my heart sank as I flipped through pages of papers, staring at the files and books, and I reckoned with and dwelt on the mix of emotions, feelings and thoughts... But that can be reserved for a blog entry at a later date.

Finally, I stopped work at clearing what I intended to but there is still much work to do. I wish I need not even have to bother throwing away stuff but let that job be done by the next person occupying this space and I wish it hasn't been such a hassle of ridding items.

Sigh. Another string of headaches developed as I began thinking about the storage of items and things which I want to keep for future use. Just in case...

So, how? How?

The Truth About Introverts

2011-11-06T16:50:00.003+08:00

SOMETIMES, being an introvert is indeed a very bad thing. Not only is the introvert relatively silent or quiet in most occasion but he or she is usually not willing to share concerns that are genuine and affecting the self and those around them.

It might be the revelation of inner feelings as a reflection of weakness and vulnerability, an attack to the self esteem and to some extent, the ego within that deems the person such a nature.

Hence, the introvert is reluctant to express him or herself. Keeping opinions or thoughts at bay is one thing an introvert generally does. Yet they are mindful of the people and surroundings that any form of verbalizing an opinion involves much consideration and care. Thus, the introvert is sensitive, tolerant and has a natural sense of empathy for those around.

While the introvert dislikes to have his thoughts and feelings known, it must not be mistaken and therefore, judge them as not having any opinion at all because when they finally do express themselves about something, it is usually worth a listening ear…

Contrary to beliefs, introverts do not always have an inner peace with self, and it is a state which he or she may also fail to comprehend. However, their quiet and seemingly despondent state is not an indication of their want to remain that way but rather at most times, people of such personality find themselves not able to put to words the voices of their heart and mind.

As a result, he or she may distance the self from any deep and meaningful relationships for concerns about developing complications that may arise in future. So they usually prefer to be alone yet still acknowledging the need for social interactions.

Introverts are complicated individuals and you might not be able to understand what goes on behind that cheerful face or smiley masks they wear. They are deceiving and they are the ones whom you might want to be more cautious of.

The unpredictable nature and behavior of the introvert is unexplainable. If left provoked at any given situation, you might find yourself in queasy and difficult situation. Because the introvert does not express the self willingly and freely, you observe that this person throws tantrums and displays anger and/or grief at moments which may actually be inappropriate for a platform of such expression.

Clearly, it is a display of state of confusion or being stifled as a result of the mix of emotions and thoughts that might have been built up inside over time but are impeded by an ability to express matters at a given time.

Truly, the introvert does not like to be coerced into relating their feelings and emotions which are buried deep in the abyss of their hearts for they will keep mum and distance themselves from you should you even try to pursue your luck further, even if you’re doing it as a show of goodwill...

Nonetheless, introverts are good to be around with because they offer you a listening ear without them offering or having any prejudices or biasness towards you and the subject matter you brought forth for sharing.

So having said all those, if I am the introvert, would you still care to be with and/or around, and know me?

Missing but popping in once again...

2011-10-17T12:24:00.001+08:00

HELLO, blogworld.

I have been missing and being in and out of action for awhile. And I admit that I miss writing blog entries as a way of expressing my thoughts and feelings. Actually, I do have some posts pending an update which dates back to like eons ago yet I never got the time and mood to complete them.

Here's what I have been busy with since the last entry... WORK.

Nah, just exaggerating.

Frankly, the workload has been pretty alright for now since the end of year is approaching. And the mood here seems to be rather dampening. I don't know if it's just me or the inconsistent weather that often shuffles itself between the hot and cold.

At most times, I find myself couped up at my workstation located at this cosy corner of the staff room, sometimes pondering on the meaning of what I have been doing thus far this year. I admit that sometimes, the thoughts of malingering occurred in my head but I would not want my professionalism at work be affected in any way.

Losing some sense of direction and motivation to do almost anything makes me feel like I am just floating about right now... like the paper boat on a calm, still lake anticipating the wind to blow me in any direction. I don't know if I need someone to give me a nudge, slap on the face, a hit on the head or shower me with words of encouragement so that I can find meaning in all around me. Would anyone?

But all I know is that at this juncture, I feel tired. Worn out. I refuse to admit it if age has caught up on me but seriously, the lethargy has nothing to do with it since I'm fully aware of metabolism rate that is still as high as ever (that should be a good thing, isn't it?)

I just want things to get better by the day. No matter how it takes to get there. I just want it to be better...

You Must Love Me by Madonna

2011-09-19T07:43:00.001+08:00

Where do we go from here?
This isn't where we intended to be
We had it all, you believed in me
I believed in you

Certainties disappear
What do we do for our dream to survive?
How do we keep all our passions alive,
As we used to do?

[Bridge:]

Deep in my heart I'm concealing
Things that I'm longing to say
Scared to confess what I'm feeling
Frightened you'll slip away

[Chorus:]

You must love me
You must love me

Why are you at my side?
How can I be any use to you now?
Give me a chance and I'll let you see how
Nothing has changed

[bridge]
[chorus]

You must love me

Change

2011-09-12T23:29:00.000+08:00

CHANGE is necessary. We need change so that it gives new meaning and breathes new lease of life to something that is important and relevant especially when what mattes most has reached a state of mundane and monotony.

Within our own society, we've seen some major changes taking place. The recent Presidential Election saw a historical moment as four different individuals outdoing one another to become the next Head of State, after 18 years of no contest in the Presidential candidate. Though its outcome which may not be that favourable for almost half the population of this tiny country, nonetheless he is one whom Singaporeans had chosen and want. Then, some months ago we saw the fierce competition during the General Election which led to a decline in the number of seats for the party that has been ruling this tiny red dot for the longest time. With more seats garnered by the Opposition and claiming their stake in Parliament, it is evident that people here are wanting a change in our political system.

Meanwhile, changes are making its present felt globally and environmentally. The much talked about climate change has been affecting people from all over the continents. With Typhon Talas which ravaged part of Japan recently and now, the threat of tropical storm Nonoy in Philippines that is oncoming, the impact of climatic changes is real. With the advent of daily weather gone mad, lives are at stake and properties are lost.

Our Earth's surface is also not spared from the ever-charging crustal movements every now and then. Lately, the face of Mother Earth changes rather frequently with occurrences of earthquakes and tremors happening mainly along the Ring of Fire. Countries such as Indonesia has seen more incidences of quake in the recent years than ever imagined. And occasionally, reports of such happening at places lesser known or unlikely are heard. For some skeptics, all these could point to a possible catastrophic phenomenon beyond Man's imagination one day.

Human invention and wonder also changes how we perceive the surrounding we live in. Space-shrinking technologies have in effect influenced the way people transport and communicate. It affects how people see the world, with many becoming more and more literate and knowledgeable about what is out there.

Take my eldest nephew as an example. At 7 years of age, he knows a lot more about geography and space. He can tell you about the nebula, the Black Hole, about Mars and the Planets, and places on Earth. He makes you feel belittled by the vast knowledge he gathered. He isn't arrogant about it but he gladly and eagerly shares it without you questioning. Obviously, the Internet has impacted and changed how his generation see, think and feel. Sometimes, I wonder why was I not as smart as him when I was just 7 years old...

Wait, what exactly is my point, you may ask? Good point. I seem to have rattled off tangent and now, it's back to the point of mundane and monotony!

Well, I may not exactly be an active agent of change but I do believe that change is crucial when circumstances finally call for it. I do not believe in making changes for the sake of change but where the change impacts positively and influences the way we see, think and feel, than that change becomes necessary...

Personally, I have come to realise that I have climaxed to a point where I now need to find something different and new. Something to excite me with, something rejuvenating. Re-live my passion and set it alive.

I need something that can keep me going and uphold my sanity... especially, when I know I am one who can't sit still and wants to do something different, fresh and new. With the current on-goings that take place, I found myself almost on a flatline... Restlessness has set in and I seek to break free from the mundane and monotony.

Hence, my time has come. I need to make the change. In all aspects of my life, that is. A change for the better.

With months away into another new year, will I be able to embrace this change?

Time will tell.

** this entry was written on September 1, 2011 **

Dalam Duka by Letto

2011-08-15T01:41:00.000+08:00

SLEEPLESS, I tried to blog about what's on my mind but I realised it was too draining to think and write during this wee morning hour.

Instead, I found myself listening to Indonesian music all over again after abandoning it for quite a long time. Here's one of the latest which caught my attention:

I Hate Locum Doctors

2011-08-09T23:13:00.001+08:00

I HATE locum doctors. They can get on your nerves sometimes, be unprofessional, ignorant or have a lack of the on-the-job experience. And I don't like the sound of it. In fact, what the hell is a 'locum' doctor?

A quick check with an online dictionary states that 'locum' refers to someone who "substitutes temporarily for another member of the same profession" (from Free Online Dictionary). So, this young male doctor whom I met about an hour ago was a substitute for the doctor whom I was hoping to seek consultation from...

The visit to this 24-hour clinic proved to be one that's the most dissatisfying ever - and as usual, short. The locum doctor reflected his incompetence after asking me about the visit I made at that time.

In fact, I was hoping if I could be given a more professional diagnosis and comfort for the throbbing headache and after complaining about the occasional fast and hard heart beat, which I have been experiencing daily since my last visit to the same clinic two weeks ago.

After he did the basics - checked for temperature, lungs and throat, he dismissed my condition as a tension headache. And he lectured me about how headaches are common. He held up his three fingers and said in a particular tone: "One, personal; two, work or three, family. These are the obvious common three. So which one is yours?"

Obviously, I dislike the tone and felt he was acting up, and was being rude. I sniggered and thank goodness for the throbbing headache that I was still having at that time, I did not argue or dispute.

He stared at the card and looked rather nonchalant. I was certain that it was clear on record that I had my blood pressure reading taken at my last visit and that the result was not favourable.

Above photo source: http://zeldalily.com/index.php/2011/04/are-you-100-honest-with-your-doctor/

Hoping that the doctor could have taken my presence more seriously, he did nothing more but asked if I had enough sleep and asked why I could not sleep. Then, he told me that I would be given medication to ease my headache. "Come again next week if the headache continues,"

But isn't that the reason why I had visited the clinic since my headaches did not subside? And now, I was told to make a comeback a week later??

Next, I related to him about my concern when I noticed some kind of discolouration on my eyes. He flashed a torch and was quick to assure me not to worry. "It's just pigmentation. In fact, you may not have noticed it because you would have it since you were born,"

Outraged, I told him that I had noticed what he labelled as discolouration only recently.

"Is it affecting your vision?" He asked. "No," came my reply. "Then you don't have to worry. It's just pigmentation," That's all??

Upset that I was not given the attention that I quite expected, I left the room and the doctor immediately called for the next patient in.

When the attendant at the counter called my name, I became upset further that I was given only Anerax tablets for pain and muscle ache. Nothing more. Dumbfounded, I left the clinic almost cursing and swearing at the unprofessional conduct of the locum doctor.

I tried to rationalise the experience I had. Maybe his attutude came about because he might be unhappy that he has to substitute someone and therefore, has to work on a public holiday. Perhaps too, he was upset that he could not see the fireworks on display at Marina Bay with his girlfriend or wife while everyone else thronged the marina to have a wonderful spectacular display of colours in the sky... Don't know, don't care.

I wish not to see another locum doctor in future, even when confronted with a life and death experience...

My Cambodia Travelogue III

2011-08-06T23:20:00.001+08:00

DAY THREE: Saturday, 18 June

"Phnom Penh, here I come!"

Time: 0600 hrs, local time

ANXIOUS that I would not leave any belongings behind, I kept searching at every nooks and crannies of the hotel room - including my haversack, twice. Assured that all were accounted for, I left the room in a hurry to check-out from Angkor Holiday Hotel. Siem Reap will be missed but another comeback is certain, I said.

The meeting point was just less than 5 minutes away and I had arrived early. I showed my ticket to the lady who was tending the counter and pointed me to the bus that was already parked nearby. Another 30 minutes before the bus departed for the capital of Cambodia.

A strange sense of emptiness filled the street as all the shops were still closed. Gone was the noise from the crowd that lingered till late every night. Gone too were the lines of tuk tuk and moto along with their drivers; their cries desperate for passengers to earn a day’s income - that filled the corners of the small roads leading to Sivutha Boulevard in the night. The tourist spot had turned into a ghost town.

By 0645 hrs, the journey to Phnom Penh began. While I felt lost in the midst of the unknown world and travelling with strangers in that same air-conditioned bus, there was excitement which filled the air. Loud Cambodian music boomed from the speakers overhead and I set my ears plugged to Westlife, Madonna, Lady Gaga and other songs found in my iPod Touch’s playlist for it was to be a long ride to the next city…

I could hardly sit still when the bus finally entered Sen Sok District. It was only a matter of time that the bus came to an eventual stop at the city’s bus terminus. Looking out of the window, I sensed the chaos and confusion of the city. Unlike Siem Reap, Phnom Penh is bustling with a hive of activity, it seemed.

1245 hrs. My bum hurts after the long hours of sitting and enduring journey. As I alighted from the bus, my heart thumped fast as I scanned the unfamiliar and strange surrounding. It was not long before I found an English-speaking tuk tuk driver.

"Salita Hotel," I said to the cheerful driver, who then offered me his service to show me around the city for a fee. I declined after the 10-minutes ride to the hotel located at St European Union 143.

The 10-storey hotel which will be my accommodation for the next three days stood tall in front of me. I was told that distance from the main tourist congregation place is far from where I was but little did I mind. In fact, I welcomed the idea because I wish to remain close to areas where I could possibly explore, meet and interact with the locals.

After all, that’s where the real deal of travel and adventure.

***********

"S-21 Remembered"
Time: 1600 hrs, local time

A SUDDEN realisation that the presence of the ghostly past of Toul Sleng descended almost immediately. There was instantaneous silence upon entering the hallowed grounds, where cruelty and brutality to mankind once reigned in these buildings which was used as a prison and detention centre during the Pol Pot regime in the 1970s.

From building A to B, from one ground floor room to another, the eeriness that torture and death had taken place some 30 years ago remained strong. The foul stench of blood that stained the premises was almost felt in the midst of the musky and stale air.

On one side of the wall of the room in building A, hung a blurry and almost faded image of gore and blood. A metal bed with some kind of rusty metallic gadget (like a chain) used to bind the feet and hands of innocent victims were on display.

In another building, photographs of those long dead, including soldiers who once served the Security Office 21 (S-21) were on display in black-and-white - a reminder of those who once resided in the vicinity. Then, photographs and art displays of how the prisoners were tortured filled the walls. A slow walk past them and my hairs stood. Overwhelmed by the solemness, I could almost faintly hear the voices and cries of the victims...

The next building suggested how the men, women and children were detained; the cubicle was very small and cram, and each prisoner separated by concrete wall with only a wooden door. While I paced myself observing the size of each cubicle, I heard the noise of doors creaking behind me followed by a loud slam of the door that echoed the room. My hairs stood once again. The wind from outside must have caused it. Or could it be the resident ghosts attempting to communicate to me of their sufferings and pain? I wouldn't know...

Indeed, the tour of the Toul Sleng Genocide Museum is a very grim reminder to humankind. I could not help but be saddened by the cruelties of the power-hungry, and dictatorship thus resorting to committing mindless and selfish acts.

While the doors of Toul Sleng soon closed behind me, the experience of S-21 was still overpowering that I became humbled by the fact that Man should value life and respect one another. Each of us are different in race, language, status and religion, but we are all created by the God who gives the very life in all of us. Man is steward of the Creator and shepherd of being and he is nothing without the blessings of the Almighty.

We fail to realise this at many times thus, we pretend to play god and destroying all that He created for the benefit of Mankind....

Reason to blog once again

2011-08-05T15:12:00.002+08:00

ALMOST a month and this blog appears to be boring and lifeless from any updates for sharing.

It's not the lack of interest to blog because if you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, you will realise that I have been rather prominent there, almost daily expressing my feelings and thoughts. The regular "nothing to update on my blog" or "been busy with work" are mere excuses to not get the brain juices from thinking hence, the fingers from writing (or typing).

My fault for not motivating and stimulating the mind with ideas to pen down.

Occasionally, I thought about closing this blog down but figured that I should try to sustain it. After all, this is still a useful and crucial platform where matters that concern or interest me get expressed in writing. It's an avenue that will keep me sane and be heard especially in the midst of struggles and challenges that must be faced.

Anyway, August is already here. It was just like yesterday when I came back from my solo trip to Cambodia in June. The memory is still fresh and I still have yet to complete my remaining three travelogues: one, almost in completion while the others are still etched in writing in my personal notebook. Work on editing the hundreds of photographs I took during the trip stalled when other things began to take priority...

And a few other writings which are pending for completion and currently idles in Draft mode. Sigh.

At least, I have sparked myself into blogosphere once again with this lame entry...

What Becomes Us?

2011-07-07T22:20:00.006+08:00

ARE we really becoming a more self-centred, egoistic, egocentric and less of a gracious, civic minded society? I believe the question has been prodding in the heads of anyone and everyone who has noticed social behaviours which are unacceptable for a very long time.

Not only are they unpleasant but the extent to which these observed demeanors are occurring and recurring more frequently are a cause for concern. For instance, take the experience of the ride in the bus or the Mass Rapid Transit (MRT). Along the road side. At the restaurant, cafes or kopitiams. In the cinema or in the lift. It's almost everywhere.

In crowded buses, people conveniently shove and push to get their way through without expressing the 'excuse me' while the many other passengers stand rooted to their spot ignorant and nonchalant of the fact there there are ample spaces at the back of the bus. And bus drivers who rudely shout across from the driver's seat, impatient of the reality that people refuse to make way, understand, empathise with rest who desperately need to get on the bus.

In the MRT, we are all too familiar with the morning crowd as people from all races, nationalities, age groups, scents, smells, shapes and sizes selfishly rush into the already like sardine-packed carriage - nudging and pouncing the self onto others when the next train's arrival time is just one to two minutes away. And with no one to utter a single apology for that elbow I received from unknown faces, I could also only shudder in fear of being molested, intentionally or unintentionally, in that unbelievably cramped space while the train rocked and rumbled from one station to another...

Nonetheless, I am guilty of being the passenger who makes his way through the crowd with little permission for trying to get to the back of that bus. It is only because the frustration that sets in even after several 'excuse me' goes unnoticed by those who choose not to give way for one reason or another.

And for being evil to the lady who kept pushing me as she impatiently tried to go down the bus knowing that another lady who was attempting to guide her little child, was just right in front of me. Upon knowing her impatience, I submit to the guilt that I had turned around and told her off dramatically, educating her that she should practice patience. She came to a sudden stop from her jostling thereafter - and appearing non-apologetic.

But I cannot forget the very recent sacrifice that went unappreciated when a boy who was on his bicycle almost got knocked down by a moving vehicle that turned into a carpark? The boy, left unattended by his mother who was reckless and in a fit of anger, nearly missed the fatal impact had I not stopped his bicycle just on time. Without a single apology or 'thank you' for putting my life in jeopardy and saving her child from the brink of death, the fat lady merely grabbed hold of the bicycle's handle as the little boy cried in vain, walked away and continued rattling her dissatisfaction at him..

Seriously, something is just wrong with people nowadays. Courtesy and acts of kindness do not seem to be reciprocated and appreciated. Non-rewarding, it seems. It does not pay to be nice, polite and human.

Adults including parents alike, are committing to corrupting the younger generation of the society with ill-behaviours. If not corrected or addressed, these will be viewed as a social norm, thus non-deviant behaviour. Conformity to reckless and defiant code of conduct will then persist. Then, we will lose compassion and empathy among our people in future. Already this is evident where courtesy, compassion and politeness are losing its ground.

The extract of a news article which I received below is one such example:

"Recently, I saw an old woman being knocked down by a young schoolboy who was rushing to catch a train. She fell together with all the things she was carrying, and of the 30 to 40 people standing and looking on, not even one approached the old woman to lend her a helping hand. The boy who knocked into her never bothered to say sorry or help her.

I am 60 years old with a heart condition and yet I approached the old woman, lifted her up, picked up the things which she dropped and guided her to the train. Why couldn't the young and strong do that?

On another occasion, while I was travelling in the MRT, I saw a pregnant woman standing as there was no vacant seat available. A young man who had a seat saw her but instead of giving up his seat for her, he tapped another young, beautiful woman and offered his seat to her. The latter accepted it and never bothered to offer it to the pregnant woman.

What is happening to us? Courtesy must be taught right from a young age, in all schools."

However, schools alone cannot bear the task and responsibility of educating the younger segments of the population. It takes more than the educational institution to do just that.

So, is this really the price we pay as we strive to achieve further economic excellence in the name of survival of the fittest in the competitive global society?

I Get Weak by Westlife

2011-07-05T08:54:00.001+08:00

WHEN I first heard this song by Westlife from their new album, Gravity, time stood still. My body froze and I became speechless after carefully listening to its lyrics. I felt a cringe, a crumble of the heart... and soon I was on the verge of tears.

Somehow, it quite aptly reflects and describes the me at the moment. And I keep playing it over and over again...

My Cambodia Travelogue II

2011-06-26T19:47:00.004+08:00

DAY TWO: Friday, 17 June

"Oh, the natural and its beauty surround me"
Time: 0800 hrs, local time

DAMN! I had planned my time to leave Angkor Holiday Hotel at 7 am but apparently, I had overslept and I did not hear the alarm from my mobile phone ringing.

I got up from bed freezing from the cold temperature of the room, packed my bag a little and rushed for a shower, knowing that it will be a hot day by the time I get to the first place of attraction of the day. With only one day to spend time in Siem Reap, I sensed too that I would have to rush to see and visit as much as I possibly can.

0855 hrs: On the tuk tuk, the driver travelled southwards along the National Highway 6. I could already feel the heat of the morning. Sigh, I could have left the hotel earlier thus have more time and little heat to endure while exploring one of the attractions that is touted as a world wonder.

After making an entrance fee payment of US$20, the ride to Angkor Wat began. One by one, other tuk tuks carrying passengers from various origins passed by. Perhaps, from China or Japan. I smiled to myself, apparently enjoying the ride of my life...

With the wind blowing across my face, so did the dust and sand. But the excitement of seeing the ancient temple for my own self overshadowed any concerns I had about the sand, dust and heat.

1000 hrs: Savan, the driver, said that he would wait for me at the other side of the road. After acknowledging and negotiating about the fare, I stepped out of the vehicle. The intense heat from the sun immediately pierced through the skin. Gaaaaaah! If I were a true blue Singaporean, I would have complained about the heat and how I am concerned about getting tanned, etc... but there was no one I could turn to so I accepted and embraced the weather and set off to the temple.

Wow, wow! I exclaimed in excitement as I saw the towers of Angkor from a distance. I hurried my pace along with the quickened heart beat. In just less than a minute of walking, beads of perspiration formed on my forehead and trickled profusely down my face. Gaaah, the damn hot and dry weather...

I then realised how huge and immense Angkor Wat is that I doubt I will have time to explore the entire place since I have had my plans for the day. With only time to explore the main temple, I hoped for another opportunity to visit the smaller ones at another time.

Conservation works were ongoing here and there. 'No Entry' signs were also evident, warning visitors to stay away. The wear and tear of the sandstone temple were obvious with anywhere I turned to. I guess that is to be expected considering that Angkor Wat has been around for many years already yet its structure still stands strong till today.

The smell of incense welcomed me as I entered the temple. A tall figure of Buddha stood and I was invited to offer a prayer but I declined politely and smiled. I was hesitant to turn left, right or walk straight ahead. A few seconds later, I decided to turn right and walk the perimeter while taking some time to study the walls where reliefs depicting stories of King Suryavarnam II, and tales of Hinduism and Buddhism were sculpted. Images of the apsara, beautiful and supernatural women, also were engraved on the wall and columns and it still remains perfect from the tests of time...

Occasionally, the pungent smell of urine from fruit bats lingered and the air became stale. Eventually, I decided to climb the steep steps that lead to the peak of temple. Exhilarated and confident, I climbed past a few ladies who were struggling and grappling with the height and steep gradient. Once on top, I had a pretty good view of the surrounding temple. It was breathtaking indeed.

At the peak, I met a young Vietnamese tourist, who shared his thoughts about Angkor and photography. We parted ways after I realised that I had spent three hours to explore the main temple and soaking in the view and atmosphere. I returned to where Savan was waiting patiently.

Though I did not manage to gather a complete experience of Angkor Wat, the fact that I was there was truly amazing and simply indescribable. I could not help but admire and wondered about the architecture and technology that went into building the huge historical temple.

********************

Tonle Sap Lake and Chong Khneas Village
Time: 1330 hrs, local time

"MY NAME is Nat," the boy said as he extended his hands to welcome me. I looked at the long fragile-looking boat and realised that there was no one else except me, Nat and the boat captain. "This ride is about one and half hours and I will be your guide," he explained pleasantly in an almost perfect English American accent.

I was impressed by his fluency in speaking although occasionally, the 18-year old boy who turns 19 in August hesitated as he thought about using the correct terms to explain about the Tonle Sap river.

The boat travelled slowly along that murky river, eventually revealing the floating villages ahead. As usual, I became mesmerised by the scenic beauty that lay before me.The floating homes looked small and cramped. At the bow or stern, port and starboard of the houses, the occupants were lazing around. Others were seen conversing with fellow neighbours while children were happily playing on a floating basketball court. Life in Chong Khneas is indeed slow, sedentary and poor.

Small boats passed by and I noticed that it was mainly women who were rowing the boats and engaged in selling of goods arranged neatly on their mode of transport.

The villagers mainly depended on fishing for income, Nat revealed as he spoke about how the villagers will have to move higher up the hills and mountains during the rainy season.

"Now is dry season. Water is only about one to two metres but when rain comes, all these will flood. Water go high, " said the boy who studies in a high school and wishes to go to the university one day.

Nat then pointed to a floating church, a barber shop and fish farm. A floating mosque stood on the left. Then, he showed me the school for the orphanages ahead and a floating shop nearby, and told me that visitors can make a trip to the school to make a donation or contribution or simply take photographs with the children.

Having empathised with the way of life, I chose to buy writing materials and books. A short ride away to the school and I watched how the children aged 4 to 12 were busy playing games among themselves. A group of tourist then came and a lady who was about to distribute lollipops found herself caught and surrounded by a frenzy of little children, shoving and chiding one another for Chupa Chups.

The jaw-dropping moment came when we arrived at the end where the river meets the lake, and I was ushered to go to the top of a floating restaurant to have a good view of the Tonle Sap Lake or the Great Lake, the biggest in Cambodia that also straddles between Thailand and Vietnam border. My knees went weak, I became speechless and dumbfounded as I gasped at the sheer size of the Lake.

"This lake looks like the sea! I can see the horizon is... like no land there," I remarked to the amusement of Nat, who must be thinking how weird my behaviour must have been.

The river and lake was covered by an almost endless green mass of what looked like water hyacinth. Nat then explained how, when the rainy season occurs, the mass of plants moves upwards to fill the horizon.

Soon, it was time to go back to the berthing point and before departing, I thanked Nat for the valuable information he shared and the tour of the vicinity. I wished him good luck in his studies then gave him a small token of appreciation before meeting Savan for a ride back to the hotel.

I just needed a good shower before heading out again to visit the Royal Palace, Angkor National Museum, a village and a stroll along Siem Reap River before ending my day with another visit to the happening Old Market area...

My Cambodia Travelogue I

2011-06-26T12:40:00.009+08:00

DAY ONE: Thursday, 16 June

"On the Road I Less Travelled"
Time: 1600 hrs, an hour after departure from Singapore

WHILE I have always had a phobia for flying, I also realised that I have always enjoyed it. Ironic, isn't it?

Each time whenever the plane takes off, I would love looking out of the window, witnessing the transformation of life-sized buildings and its surroundings into miniature blocks of flats and concrete splattered sparsely across the fields of greenery. Then, the sense of amazement and awe upon watching the sea of clouds beneath - of various shapes and sizes; from a strata of cumulus to occasional cumulonimbus to wispy, thin cirrus - and the vast endless blue which spreads above and beyond...

This time, loneliness and uncertainty accompanied my maiden trip to Cambodia, a country which is lesser known or familiar to me and I never really considered going.

I tried to set aside and forget the traces of worries that I left behind and removed any emotional baggages but keep my focus on thoughts about getting around and communicating with strangers and unfamiliar faces in a language that is so foreign. I don't know how I will get by as I travel from one place to another. It is a calculated risk which I was willing to take and learn...

******************

"Let the Exploration Begins!"
Time: 1749 hrs, local time

THE EXCITEMENT and adrenaline rush was obvious but I kept reminding myself to remain calm and collected, and to always keep my belongings in check. Occasionally, frustration sets in as I rummaged my sling bag when I could neither find my passport nor wallet nor mobile phone..

As I checked my itinerary which I had planned just weeks ago, I shuffled down to the hotel lobby and found a tuk tuk waiting outside the hotel.

After purchasing the bus ticket to Phnom Penh for Saturday morning, I made my way to the Old Market nearby, which was just minutes away around the corner.

Located next to the Siem Reap River, Old Market is really true to its word. Dark and gloomy surrounded the market but the cheerful sounds of ladies tending their stalls filled the otherwise wet and moist air around me.

At a corner of the Market, I was greeted by friendly females (whom upon second look, I realised they were males) in the Khmer language. They giggled and laughed as I passed by the small and brightly lit hairdressing salon. I wondered what they might have commented about this passing stranger...

Fifteen minutes after soaking in the market's atmosphere, I felt the hunger pangs setting in. Recalling a halal food place within the vicinity, my quest began. However, it did not take long before I finally came across an Indian restaurant, Chusska Exotic Indian, located at Street 7.

The time was almost 7.15 pm local time. While I know I was famished after not having breakfast or lunch that day, I was stunned at the serving of rice - twice the amount I usually would have.

On top of that, I had requested to have naan hoping that the additional order would fulfill the empty, growling stomach. I was wrong.

Nonetheless, I managed to finish the rice with tomato paneer half an hour later and then began my exploration of the Old Market vicinity, which seemingly is popular tourist spot.

Walking along the Sivatha Boulevard, rows and rows of two-storeyed buildings or shophouses flanked both sides of the road.

There were many massage parlours, eating places and restaurants, chill out places and the area was just busy with Cambodians and tourists who were exploring or just visiting these places.

Not relying much on my sense of direction, I walked and walked till I discovered the Noon Night Market and Angkor Night Market, one of the attractions which was listed as a must-visit on a travel website. Along the aisles, there were lots of items on sold, just like those one expects upon visiting the bazaar or pasar malam. Surprisingly, the night markets were not so crowded as I would expect but activities were slow and the atmosphere was somewhat quiet for the night.

While there were items which can be bought as gifts or souvenirs, I was not interested in shopping. In fact, I have always found myself not buying anything at all whenever I travel. Not only will I find it cumbersome to carry all those things but I always prefer to travel light and easy. I will choose to buy something that I will really like or need. Otherwise, do not expect me to open my wallet, bargain a price and walk away gleefully with my purchase when overseas...

By 9 pm, I returned to the hotel after a long walk along Sivatha Boulevard. However, I felt it was too early to do anything else such as sleep. Despite my feet aching a little from all the walking and my body drained after days of late night sleep, I chose to spend time at the hotel lounge for a cake and ice cream, then crossed the road to visit an Internet cafe.

It was only at midnight that I snuggled myself in bed after reviewing my itinerary for the following day...

Finding That All-Spark

2011-06-16T05:24:00.004+08:00

"Two roads diverged in a wood and I, I took the one less travelled by and that has made all the difference." - Robert Frost

HAVE you ever felt that you have reached a crossroad and that everything else you do in life becomes mundane, dull and meaningless?

It's like a chore. Like a broken CD player that keeps repeating the same chorus or song segment. Like the movie that you have watched almost a million times and you know the lines and directorial cues so well that you know you should be the one acting in the film instead.

Oh, the motions of my daily boring life routines... The monotony. It is a stage where there is little point in what I do. There is a lack of happiness, enthusiasm and passion. And that is sad.

The happenings at the work place, which have caused much dissatisfaction and dismay, may have spurred that lost of interest and passion in what I do best. Others that require no mention may also have hampered the physical and mental being. Affecting a change is probably what I need.

This happy-go-lucky individual has to find that spark, happiness and a quest for inner peace...

Someone once told me that you are never too busy for anything else. I have always believed this to be true. But we have become too involved in work and matters that seemingly bring oneself down, we forget to search and attain that balance in life.

So I came up with a list of to-do and recently, I am happy to say that I have accomplished some of them:

1. Read a Book

I have always loved reading. I recalled my very first Enid Blyton book entitled Sleepytime Tales, which was given to me as a gift from Dad for my 10th birthday. From then on, I slowly bought an almost entire collection of the Enid Blyton's series and yes, I still have them at home.

Thereafter, my interest in reading grew. I remembered going to the library or visiting bookstores to buy a new book (after saving up some money on my own, of course), when possible.

My reading hobby discontinued somehow when I stepped into the working world. Since then, I have an itch to expand my vocabulary and enrich my life with beautiful and meaningful phrases and sentences. While I toyed with the idea of engaging my intellect with short stories, it never took off since I never found time to read.

In March, I took a bold step to visit a bookstore in search of a book that I might like. Having seen a whole collection of novels on display, of colourful and eye-catching hardcovers and paperbacks, I was spoilt for choice. Eventually, I found one by Dan Rhodes entitled Little Hands Clapping. I can't tell you what the content is yet because sadly, I am still reading this 313-page novel.

And I am only at page 111...

2. Ignite Passion for the Arts

When I chanced upon the Singapore Arts Festival 2011 brochure in March, I knew I needed to get myself involved so that I can do something that is fresh and new, and at the same time, contribute my time and energy into something that I am passionate in - theatre and the performing arts.

Believing that it is also an opportunity to indirectly impact the development of the local arts scene through whatever contributions I can afford, I signed up as a Festival Ambassador for the very first time.

May arrived and there was excitement and adrenaline as I looked forward to performing Front of House duties at venues such as the School of The Arts, Drama Centre and The Esplanade. There were also opportunities to attend performances, which added value to my experience as an Ambassador.

Although the event ended just recently, I admit to reminiscing the times meeting and serving the members of public, ushering them into auditoriums, attending to general enquiries, getting to know and interacting with new people, and not forgetting, engaging in brief chats with artistes and famous persons. I also had a rare opportunity to go backstage and to areas where members of the audience will never have access to and work behind the scenes.

I could never have felt more honoured and I missed those times for being given the experience.. It gave me a different perspective of an event that is so massive and significant.

3. Travel

I must admit that I have not been so fortunate enough to be able to travel and see the world as much as I could. Facing financial constraints at times, the thought of going to another foreign and distant country was simply alien. At the same time, the inherent phobia of flying too, puts off any ideal thoughts of setting foot and taking flight in an aeroplane.

However, I would love so much to travel and explore places. I want to see the world and not live like a hermit for the longest time. Lately, the desire to become part of the tourism industry is forthcoming and strong.

Thus, a planned solo trip to a nearest destination in the region is already on the way. In fact, it is happening in just hours as I write this.

I must confess that at this point, I am excited but anxious. The thought of being alone in the plane, surrounded by strangers, which could be my source of claustrophobia and hodophobia, is unpleasant. And travelling alone for the first time in uncharted territories is also overwhelming me.

Having carefully planned my itinerary and making sure that I know where and what to do when I am there, I am set and ready to go, assuring myself that the rustic charms of the destination which I am heading to will be mesmerising and enchanting thus overriding any concerns that I may have.

But that is not all that I intend to do. There are some more in my to-do list for the year:

take up photography course;
take up script-writing / directing course;
sign up for membership with an organisation such as the Singapore Drama Educators Association (SDEA);
act in a play;
learn to bake cupcakes;
sign up for scuba diving; and
travel to Europe, most likely Sweden, by year end

** Blog entry made since 9 June **

I Lay My Love On You by Westlife

2011-06-12T20:59:00.000+08:00

THIS song by Westlife just sprung in my head as I sat staring at the computer screen and my mind drifting away...

Signs of My Lethargy

2011-06-11T10:17:00.004+08:00

AS USUAL, the alarm from my mobile phone interrupted the much needed sleep. As I caught a glimpse of the digital clock on the television rack, I realised that the time was already 9.15 am.

With eyes still droopy, my fingers groped for the beeping device under my pillow. At that time, Snowflake hopped onto the couch, paced a little before settling himself down in between my thighs. He purred and meowed loudly, telling me to wake up and do whatever that I have to do on a Saturday. Then, with a softer meow, the cat placed his head on my shin but sensing that I would shuffle my feet and get up from my 'bed', he walked away and found himself another spot to rest somewhere in the living room.

A huge sigh was released as I felt the body aching and the sore of my eyes bothered me. I sat and stared at anything that caught my eye. This ailment of lethargy is evident and it will kill me one day...

Photo source: http://www.jmgiralt.com

Often, I feel tired, both physically and mentally, that I wish to lie down almost anywhere just to allow the physique to relax and wind down. Nonetheless, I found myself sleeping later than my intended even though the body screams to have an early night rest after engaging in planned physical activity during the day.

Lately, I also found myself being rather indifferent to the world around me. I could not care less about what is taking place around me. I chose to be self-centred, not selfish, to do the things that only benefit the self instead of others.

Information that I receive seems to take a little more time for me to comprehend and digest that sometimes, I asked if I had become stupid and dumb. Even answering simple questions and performing basic mathematical equation takes minutes for my brain to formulate answers. It is certainly not because of age which is catching up, and I am confident of that...

There is a constant lack of focus and procrastination is also observed. For a task that is easy and does not take such a long time to complete will take millions of hours to do. I found myself abandoning work halfway just because I could not get the work done on time.

Then, I become quite upset, agitated and frustrated easily; throwing tantrums unnecessarily, at times.

How long will this routine and habit last?

** Note added at 1033hrs:
Perhaps, it is not lethargy per se. Maybe I am just dead tired that I really need and deserve a good rest....

Virtual World Comes Alive?

2011-06-10T21:46:00.000+08:00

WATCH this super cool and awesome video. Wonder how one creates reality from the virtual Angry Birds game on the mobile phone...

Internal by Ontroerend Goed (Belgium)

2011-06-07T13:00:00.005+08:00

FIVE strangers, five different encounters. To each their very own experience.

When the curtain was raised, five pairs of feet revealed in front of the five audience who stood in a row where 'X' marks the spot. The air was filled with anxiety and uncertainty as we stood wondering what would happen and whom we would meet.

Soon, the curtain disclosed our mysterious partners on the other side. Tension and awkwardness immediately surfaced as the pair of eyes gazed and connected with the unknown person at close proximity.

In front of me stood a man with blond hair, dressed in black pants, white shirt and a vest. He was scruffy looking yet neat. The other four players were also in such prim and proper attire suggesting that the we were set on a blind date.

He looked at me directly in the eyes. I did not know what to do but smile. Suddenly, he took a step back and walked to the other side leaving an empty space in front of me. I felt disappointed and wondered what had just happened as he walked away to choose another member of the standing audience and found himself a female partner. Then, the sound under a high heeled shoes broke the silence and soon a tall European lady took the place of the gentleman.

Intimidated by her sheer height and size, I watched her in the eyes. I felt tensed. Nervous, I tried to maintain a smile... Then, I sensed it. She was flirting with me.

Photo source: http://singaporehappenings.com/2011/04/06/singapore-arts-festival-2011-internal/

The music began to play. The lights went up just enough to unearth what lay ahead in that dimly lit Gallery of the School of the Arts (Sota). Behind the thin transparent cloth which hung loosely to the ground, a cozy cubicle was seen. On the table, a bottle of what seemed to contain alcohol along with two shot glasses were neatly arranged next to the table light.

With her graceful walk, the lady ushered me to the dating table. Then one by one, the rest were escorted to their cubicles.

Conversations and small laughters were heard from the surrounding cubicles almost immediately as the strangers broke the ice and began their intimate game of discovery. I sat on the wooden chair watching this lady whose eyes were intensely fixed on mine. An uncomfortable silence began to lurk.

As she continued to watch me, a mind game struck. But if I were Professor X from X-Men, I would have read her mind instantaneously.

What is she thinking? Why is she smiling and looking at me in such a way? Is she really, really flirting with me? Is this for real or is this just make believe?

While she poured vodka into the glass, I politely told her that I do not drink. She offered a smile and pushed the bottle and glasses aside. After a while, I cleared my throat in an attempt to break the silence and asked for her name.

"I will tell you later," she spoke softly in a strange accent. The staring game and silence ensued.

Maybe I should just play along.. Since she is flirting with me, I will play along. The quiet, shy yet flirtatious character, perhaps. Yes, that will do!

My eyes were fixed to the Belgian who then began to touch my face. My heart raced as I felt her soft tender touch. Gosh.. This is not happening, right? I felt a little uncomfortable as this stranger placed her hands on my face with such intimacy.

I had to remind myself that I am in a performance and I should continue with my little act. In return, I let my fingers ran down her cheeks before clasping her hands which were quite cold as ice, gently tapping on them to assure her that I understand her intention of doing what she did.

In what seemed like forever, the silence in that cubicle soon began to torment me physically and mentally. My mind went blank. I had thought this strange and weird encounter to be fun but it became a little tiring.

Ten minutes passed and the game of I-observe you-and-you-watch-me-what-I-do finally ended. Everyone was invited to sit in a circle where every actors shared their understanding, interpretation and experience with their audience partner.

Interestingly, the revelation of self, in that short time period, was almost accurate. My partner talked about how I found her beautiful (Yes, intimidatingly beautiful), and that I enjoy intense, quiet moments (true, but not always). Until..., the least expected happened.

She turned to slowly reveal her asset under her black dress.

"Is this what you wanted to see?" She said in a seductive manner. My jaw dropped, my heart skipped a beat. A flush of adrenaline ran through my body. Confused.

I could have stopped her and told her that she was wrong of my intentions. That I am not a sexual monster and/or a pervert where nothing else rules the mind except sex.. Somehow, I did not. And please, don't ask me why..

"You can put that back on. And... thanks," I uttered in embarrassment and lost for words.

She stood up and invited me to a slow dance in the centre of the circle. Soon, everyone else joined in awhile later... The experience of Internal had come to an end.

The performance by Ontroerend Goed was truly a rare experience of theatre that is unconventional, mind-boggling and clever. Nonetheless, it is fresh and I applaud the Singapore Arts Festival organisers for bringing in such exceptional theatre.

Still shaken in disbelief, confused but awed at the theatrical experience, Internal is an adventure that only the daring and bold should challenge him/herself to attend. Internal intimately tantalises and titillates, then awakens the senses. It is a performance, after all. Play along and enjoy the show...

** This post was written on 26 May 2011 and completed on 6 June 2011 **

Love Quote

2011-06-02T07:55:00.001+08:00

STUMBLED upon this quote and I thought to myself:

"Just don't give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there's love and inspiration, I don't think you can go wrong." - Ella Fitzgerald

But, what happens when love and inspiration go missing? Then, everything will go wrong.... Isn't it?

And that's when you eventually give up trying everything that you hold on to...

Lesson Learnt

2011-05-31T08:10:00.000+08:00

WHEN I opened the letter received from DBS Bank, my heart sank to the rock bottom. The letter stated:

"We refer to your request for a reversal of the fund transfer that you made via ATM...

We regret that we have not received any response from this account holder, despite our repeated attempts to contact him via phone and mail.

As the account holder's authorisation is necessary for us to proceed with such a reversal, we seek your understanding that we will not be able to pursue this matter further..."

I grumbled for awhile realising somehow that this process of retrieving the money which was wrongly transferred on 16 April would take a very, very long time having dealt with the account holder, who was my previous landlord.

Gaah, I began to search the Contact list on my mobile phone but I knew it was pointless because I had already deleted the number ever since I moved to my current rental flat in October last year.

Lesson learnt - Always confirm and double check to confirm that the bank account number in which funds will be transferred to is correct before proceeding with the transaction.

Guess I was happy-go-lucky and trigger-happy at that time as my fingers touched and pressed the ATM machine buttons. Only to realise that I had made an error when my present landlord enquired about the rent. Now, I suffer the fate of waiting... and waiting for that day to come.

And I am desperately needing cash. Grrr....

On The Floor by Jennifer Lopez (feat. Pitbull)

2011-05-26T19:12:00.000+08:00

Dear JLo,

This music lifted my spirits up and makes me want to dance On The Floor tonight!

Life Quote...

2011-05-26T13:39:00.001+08:00

A quote which serves as a reminder for self and those in need of it...

"No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change."

- Barbara de Angelis

The Reason

2011-05-24T13:10:00.001+08:00

HERE'S the reason why I am so looking forward to the end of the day:

Yup, another night of donning the pink Festival Ambassador t-shirt and rendering my service to the community!

Which one?

2011-05-23T12:54:00.003+08:00

GRRR... It sucks whenever I log in to Blogger then realise that I do not know what to blog about. Having not blogged for some time, the brain is out of ideas. And if I do blog about something, I think it is just going to be shallow and lack of content.

Blog check. Hmmm... The last entry I made was slightly more than a week ago.

Then, again I should at least update my blog quite regularly even though there is not much substance to write about because it is important for me to keep my brain thinking and its juices flowing.

So, what should I write about, at least?

The entire Saturday spent engaging in my so called escapade? The movies I have watched so far and write a short review about it? The staring incidences that I keep getting? The boring and not-so-boring happenings at the work place? The wedding I attended to recently? The first experience as Festival Ambassador with the Singapore Arts Festival 2011?

Which one?

Not answeing question... Fail!

2011-05-15T11:51:00.000+08:00

CAN anyone make sense of the answer to the question below?

QUESTION: Ways to control rivers are not always effective. Explain. (Modified)

ANSWER: "There make people homeless due to the disaster like flooding and the vegation is dead no more people canoot live then they say bye bye to their home then need helicopter to fetch them then the people happy to find new home then they say xie xie to the helicopter people then the house was a the deserted there they said what is this how can we stay at the place is no way man then they say bye bye to the helicopter."

Seriously, I can't make sense of it but it is hilarious and funny...

Don't Want An Ending by Sam Tsui

2011-05-11T21:24:00.000+08:00

I don't wanna fall out
But we're all out of time
(Is this over?)
(Don't want an ending)
In one day
No way you'll be mine
(Is this over?)
(Don't want an ending)

Ooohhh...

My heart is running on empty
One more day and then we go
Yeah, the time goes on now
Don't ask me how
I don't know
You'll be home tomorrow
About a thousand miles too far away?
Say you won't forget and i'll be okay

At least tonight
It's just you and me and honestly
That's everything i need

I don't wanna fall out
But we're all out of time
(Is this over?)
(Don't want an ending)
In one day
No way you'll be mine
(Is this over?)
(Don't want an ending)

Tonight's the countdown
'Till the day we're not around
(Is this over?)
(Don't want an ending)
And you're gone
And we're on with our lives
(Is this over?)
(Don't want an ending)
I don't want an ending

Don't want an ending...

The days turn to hours
And it’s just a moment before they go
I’m scared to say goodbye,
‘Cause what’s after that?
I don’t know.

As the years look past us
If we lose track,
Or lose the fight,

I will search forever
To find a way back..

To tonight
Where it's just you and me and honestly
That's everything I need

I don't wanna fall out
But we're all out of time
(Is this over?)
(Don't want an ending)
In one day
No way you'll be mine
(Is this over?)
(Don't want an ending)

Tonight's the countdown
'Til the day we're not around
(Is this over?)
(Don't want an ending)
And you're gone
And we're on with our lives
(Is this over?)
(Don't want an ending)
I don't want an ending

We said "see ya later"
But I know there's no way we're
Around here again (yeah)
And every until next time
Feels like one bad punch line
And I don't want that again

I don't wanna fall out
But we're all out of time
(Is this over?)
(Don't want an ending)
In one day
No way you'll be mine
(Is this over?)
(Don't want an ending)

I don't wanna fall out
But we're all out of time
(Is this over?)
(Don't want an ending)
In one day
No way you'll be mine
(Is this over?)
(Don't want an ending)

Tonight's the countdown
'Til the day we're not around

(Is this over?)
(Don't want an ending)
And you're gone
And we're on with our lives
(Is this over?)
(Don't want an ending)
(Noo) I
Don't want an ending
(All out of time)
Don't want an ending
Don't want an ending

Love's Lost...

2011-05-11T04:20:00.003+08:00

"Life is a moment in space.

When the dream is gone, it's a lonelier place..."

IT WAS not the stillness or the humidity of the night. Not the beads of perspiration that trickled from the forehead down to the cheeks while I sat silent on the couch. It is neither the slow ticking of the clock nor the clicking of the fan as it pans from left to right, vice versa.

The distant melancholic and silly love songs that kept playing in my head like a broken CD player was also not the reason that is keeping me awake at this moment.

I watched the string of text messages as it scrolls down the touch screen of my BlackBerry. Occasionally, reading some of the contents which caught my attention gravitates this soft-hearted towards the bottomless pit of sombreness and despair.

Vivid and clear image of faces displaying varying degrees of emotions slipped past my eyes: from the state of happiness to sadness, from one with a glimmer of hope to that of a lost cause, from earnestness to hopelessness, from yearning for love and attention to one that eventually reaches solace and forlorn.

Then, a sharp stab of pain slowly emerged from the corners of my heart as it shrank further. I heaved a sigh ladened with remorse and a sense of loss...

It is already 1.15am. While the effect of the flu medication had long settled in, the nocturnal mind failed to give in to the body that is desperately screaming for a good night's rest. I felt the burden that descended into a weary and disconcerted cardiac.

From this moment on, I know not if I will make any sense... Truthfully, the writing would reflect the state of body and mind that I am currently in. In fact, I do not know if I should be writing about this but I have not been able to come face to face and find an avenue to properly express what is contained in the abyss of my heart.

Then again, I do not think that what will be written will also accurately reflect how I feel inside... My mind is in chaos. So is the heart.

Another sigh of desperation.

Yes, desperation to be released from the chains that are entangled in a web of Love which I knew was once true and now seemingly lost and forbidden. A web that not only fails to deliver me to the sanctity of Love but an entrapment to my own conquest for the sense of self and the frontiered world...

Caught in a constant battle of truth and denial, I could no longer find the real meaning and attachment of Love and being in Love. I have floundered for quite awhile. Just like a game of tug of war, the battle and struggle continues like there is no end...

I found myself indulging in thoughts of a bleak and uncertain impending future. When this is over, what lies ahead? What should we do? Where can we go from here? What happens if... love no longer resides in me?

Sigh. What ifs...

And I have been asking how I could release myself from this self-torture, and release the hurt and pain caused to the other. Truth is, I want to break free from this affliction of pain and grievance yet I do not know how. I am concerned of the consequences of my actions. Yet, I cannot bear to live a lie... It's a secret I could no longer hide...

Where matters concern the heart, it is a dilemma that is real and true. I do not want to manipulate self or any other. And I am losing sanity...

What is written so far might only inflict more pain and bring more burden to shoulder. I wish I could have explained clearly but I couldn't. I wish I did not have to be this way. I wish... and I wish...

Love's lost for me yet I know it is somewhere out there. But, it is beyond reach.

Time check: 4.15am. I have to sleep...

Oh God, please give me strength to find meaning and to carry on...

Playing Dead Dog

2011-05-10T21:33:00.002+08:00

CAN MY pet cat, Snowflake, play dead like this dog???

A Stray Message

2011-05-08T16:44:00.004+08:00

I RECEIVED a text message on my mobile phone from an unknown person, who extends his/her wish on Mother's Day a few minutes ago. The text goes like this:

"To all my sisters hapi mothers day hope u all be good mother n bless by god. Tell my mother i love her n my family, tc"

After reading that message, I was dumbfounded because I am not a female and I am definitely NOT a sister to anyone. Neither am I a mother who looks after sisters and/or children, etc.

Suspecting that it was stray message, I could not help but be amused by it.

Then, I received a phone call from this sender. Upon hearing my greeting, the male voice on the other side paused and said: "Oh sorry sorry.. Wrong number" and he immediately hung up the phone.

Funny but true.

My Virgin Vote

2011-05-08T11:31:00.004+08:00

"Will it grow cold, the secret that I hide?"

WHILE my eyes were droopy and I was constantly battling the cold-hot feeling due to the fever, I became wide awake when a loud roar and cheer shattered the silence of the night. I sat on the couch, looking out of the window and trying to make sense of what had happened.

Stunned at being reminded that the World Cup season is not even here yet, I turned to watch the television.

In his monotonous tone of voice and a blank facial expression, the man read the results. Ah, the inevitable had happened. History etches in its timeline as Worker's Party is now in control of Aljunied Group Representation Constituency (GRC). That announcement must have caused the excitement and jubilation of the residents in Aljunied GRC, and perhaps others around the country.

Nonetheless, I still not quite comprehend why my neighbours were in joy... The Singapore Democratic Party (SDP) in my Holland-Bukit Timah GRC did not win; the Peoples Action Party (PAP) easily grabbed the hearts of residents here due to the lack of presence and impact of the opposition. So, it is no surprise that PAP wins here...

I recalled my experience of going to the Polling Station to cast my vote for the first time. It was 9am and I felt so much excitement as I stepped into the school. A man greeted me and requested for my identity card after handing over my Poll Card to him. I shuffled the cards from my already worn out wallet for awhile before I gave him the card.

He then directed me to join the queue ahead. "A3? This way...," Said another polling officer on duty in front of me. I found myself joining the longest line of people. The other two queues were either short or empty. I kept asking myself about the difference between the three different queues but I had no answer. A while later, we were escorted to the school canteen where we had to wait patiently.

Anxious, I studied the surrounding.

Like a funeral wake, the mood was tense and sombre. Quiet yet orderly. I watched the procedure that unfolded in front of me. Register your name, get the paper, go to the booth, put the paper in box then you're ready to leave the Station. The procedure seemed simple and quick.

I became restless occasionally, looking out at the school gate and canteen to see if there were any unfavourable incidences that would have been interesting to watch. But there were none.

A man behind me was about to use his mobile phone but was firmly instructed to keep it by an officer. Another man shuffled his feet as the queue progresses. His arms akimbo and he frowned. His hair stood high and messy, obviously he had just woken up a few minutes ago to perform his dutiful rights as a citizen that early morning.

Soon, people from all walks of life slowly streamed in and I was glad to have been present at the Station early to avoid a possible long wait.

It was my turn to proceed to the registration counter. My eyes were fixed on a huge document on the table, displaying names and serial numbers crammed on a single A3 size paper. My name was read out loud and then a ballot paper was handed to me.

Suddenly, panic struck. I had forgotten how to mark my choice on this paper. In a deliberate slow pace, I walked towards the booth looking at the ballot paper and glancing at the walls of the school canteen for posters or signboards that would tell me what to do to cast a vote.

Damn, nothing. I cursed at myself for not paying attention to Pierre Png who has been demonstrating the balloting procedure on TV. Okay, I think it is a tick. I remembered seeing that on one of the SDP posters outside. Uncertain. I wanted to ask the officer who was standing nearby but I chose not to embarrass myself. Gaaaah!

At the Booth, my body trembled. My fingers were shaking as I lifted the pen and gazed at the ballot paper. Damn, do I put a cross or a tick?! Quick! Cross or Tick?? I muttered. I felt like a student sitting for an examination, stressed and thinking hard about what to do when answering multiple choice questions.

Above right photo source: The Straits Times Online

Certainly, I did not want my vote to become void nor get into trouble later in future for not penning my choice in the appropriate manner. Without hesitation, I placed a crooked cross on the paper, folded it and deposited the ballot paper into the ballot box nearby.

With a sigh of relief and confidence that I had done the correct thing on the ballot paper, I left the Polling Station. Impressed but also amazed at the efficiency of the voting process which only took about 15 minutes.

As the Station slowly disappeared out of sight, the excitement continued as I spoke to my brother on my mobile phone who was also voting for the first time while my sister quipped that it was her second time to vote. Whatever...

Now that General Election is over, the buzz about the outcomes of this election will continue to be high and abound in the days that follow. No matter what people say about it, ironically life still goes on.

Expect change that will not happen quickly.

What About Now by Westlife

2011-05-04T01:30:00.003+08:00

"What if love's lost behind words we could not find..."

ANOTHER melancholic song from Westlife, about the choices, the struggles and the crossroads of love that is uncertain but true, which strongly resonates within me...

A song that I have been listening to again and again.... Sigh.

Shadows fill an empty heart
As love is fading,
From all the things that we are
But are not saying
Can we see beyond the stars?
And make it to the dawn?

Change the colors of the sky
And open up to
The ways you made me feel alive,
The ways I loved you
For all the things that never died,
To make it through the night,
Love will find you

What about now,
What about today,
What if you’re making me all that I was meant to be,
What if our love never went away,
What if it’s lost behind words we could never find,
Baby, before it’s too late,
What about now.

The sun is breaking in your eyes
To start a new day
This broken heart can still survive
With a touch of your grace
Shadows fade into the light
I am by your side,
Where love will find you

What about now,
What about today,
What if you’re making me all that I was meant to be,
What if our love had never went away,
What if it’s lost behind words we could never find
Baby, before it’s too late,
What about now.

Now that we’re here,
Now that we’ve come this far,
Just hold on
There is nothing to fear,
For I am right beside you.
For all my life,
I am yours.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you’re making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love had never went away?
What if it’s lost behind words we could never find?

What about now?
What about today?
What if you’re making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love had never went away?
What if it’s lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it’s too late,
Baby, before it’s too late,
Baby, before it’s too late,
What about now?

Where's the Voice of Opposition?

2011-05-03T08:30:00.000+08:00

CURIOUS. The presence of the opposition party which will be contesting in my ward in the upcoming General Election is not felt at all.

Insofar after the Nomination Day some time ago, there has not been any signs of the Singapore Democratic Party (SDP) in the area. Where are the SDP rallies? Where are the members to extend their handshakes and listen to the concerns from the ground? Where oh, where?

Oh, there they are! Their omnipresence is felt through the imposing logo of white on red background, accompanied by photographs of the four SDP representatives who aspire to be the opposing voices of residents, which hung high on alternate lamp posts along the roadside...

Meanwhile, the Peoples Action Party (PAP) has been aggressively carrying out publicity with lorries that cruise around this quiet neighbourhood. A soft yet definite call in different languages to urge people to vote for PAP. This can be heard almost daily. Pamphlets and flyers are distributed and hung on door grilles of residents' homes. While I find it irritating and a waste of resources, the gesture is a serious display of winning the hearts of residents to cast their vote.

And when I went for a jog earlier, I noticed people moving towards and thronging an open field. A mass rally by the PAP was about to happen. Though curious but disinterested to attend the rally, I continued jogging, passing by bus after bus of PAP supporters.

I wondered about the role of the Opposition Party in my constituency. Are they that passive? How am I to know what this Party can promise for the future? What change can they hope to bring to Parliament? Are they too busy rallying or working hard elsewhere?! Is SDP trying to contest for the sake of wanting to secure total numbers of voters at the poll eventually?

Left photo source: http://sglinks.com/pages/242860-singapore-ge-opposition-parties-contest-seats

There's great excitement about voting for the FIRST time and I can feel it in the air (Yes, must emphasize this point! I AM going to vote the first time *eyes rolling*), but the peculiar thing is - how can I cast my vote for an "alternative government" when there is no evidence of effort or presence that signals the significance of the opposition?

Hmmmm...

'Tis the Lavish Spending Season

2011-05-02T10:29:00.003+08:00

"The truth is never far behind, you kept it hidden well..."

IN JUST less than a week, I had spent money lavishly on clothings. No, I don't exactly wish to buy Dolce & Gabbana shirts, bottoms from Prada or Jimmy Choo shoes. Though they represent high society and anyone who has preference for good, high fashion labels would hope to at least pride and parade the prized possessions in public, I am generally contented with second bests.

After all, you don't need to waste so much money on something that you can quite easily find from the less-than-posh retail stores or boutiques. I seek something that is quite unique, quite different but tasteful. Besides, if you mishmash these more affordable clothes together, and know how to match them properly, I'm sure anyone would look as good as those catwalk models.

Back to my spending on clothes. If my mental sum is correct and if I remember all my purchases accurately, for a total of 4 shirts and tees, 2 pants and a belt, which I had purchased from my various venture at locations such as Far East Plaza, Great World City and Central at Clarke Quay, I must have spent a good amount of more than $600... Hmmm.

And yes, not forgetting that I still need to get other wearables such as shoes (at least 2 kinds) and bags (also 2 types to say the least).

On top of that, I will need to also replenish the supply of my daily facial products.

Gosh. In all, I guess I would have forked out money that is probably enough to pay for about 100 movie screenings. Grrrr...

Anyway, on a more comforting note, I not a shopaholic but should the desire and mood for shopping comes (triggered by various factors), I just know that it might be a little difficult for me stop.

OK, my mind is already whizzing with thoughts about what to shop for later while at the same time, I surf the Internet online shopping sites to get more ideas about what to get next.

Yup, shopping adrenaline is triggered once again!

I was Thor-ed!

2011-04-30T13:21:00.000+08:00

THE MOMENT the movie started, I knew something was amiss. Panning my head from one end to another, I detected imbalance in the sound that blasted from the speakers behind the white screen. The left speaker was muted.

Never mind the fact that I was sitting in one of my favourite cinemas at Golden Village Grand in Great World City, I felt disappointed that this fact was ignored by the cinema operator. My enjoyment of Thor 3D of was clearly distorted. At least the 3D glasses are no longer of those bulky and ridiculous looking ones, I uttered to myself.

The might of Thor also failed to correct the other glitches in the sound system. Mid-way the action-packed scene between Thor and his supposed nemesis that was sent my his evil brother to Earth to destroy him, the kaboom-pow-wow-woah elements were abruptly replaced by intermittent sounds of silence. Someone shouted, "Sound!" loudly followed by sighs of dissatisfaction in the somewhat musky hall.

Alleviating the tension, someone provide brief humour through his invention of sound effects accompanying the actions on screen. Laughter broke for awhile and I found myself watching a silent film, trying to lip-read and wishing that I could read the Chinese subtitles that flashed on screen.

Despite the inconvenience, Thor is a movie that blasts. It rockets you into the earthly and celestial realms, never allowing you to slip into moments of stillness of space.

Thor also hints at the anticipation of perhaps an epic film which gathers all other Marvel comic heroes such as Hulk and Iron Man as audience see the familiar SHIELD Agent Coulson last seen in Iron Man 2 (and its re-enactment of the end credits scene in that film) and Nick Fury (played by Samuel L Jackson), who makes a cameo appearance at the end credits of Thor.

Looks like Marvel Studios has it all sorted out into producing one promising film some time in future.

And with a string of upcoming comic superhero-turned-big screen hero movies, I am certain that I would not want to miss any of them.

Election's Coming!

2011-04-26T23:05:00.005+08:00

THE HEAT of the Singapore's General Election (GE) can already be felt now that Nomination Day is just around the corner. Campaigning by the various political parties are indeed aggressive and intense over the past weeks, with the latest and recent spate of controversy over the gay Member of Parliament agenda.

Frankly, I don't really give much attention to all that's been on-going. I don't wish to really know if the parties have introduced new and potential candidates that might bring about future changes in policies, etc. I don't need to know if the current ruling party decides to overthrow claims and/or accusations made by opposition parties only to garner more support from the masses.

I only want to know if I will ever get the chance to vote when Polling Day comes on 7 May 2011.

The reason: since turning 21 years old gazillion years ago, I have never casted a vote. Not once. Uh uh. not at all. I want to be able to queue in line along with other eager Singaporeans at the Polling Station, make my way to the voting booth, take my time to decide on which box to draw the tick, then place that voting card into the ballot box, and feel satisfied that I have contributed to the governance of this little country. Perhaps, turn to the next fellow who might ask whom I had voted for, only to reply to him or her that my vote is secret.

Insofar, my voice on choice of government is not heard and made. My preference for the ruling party which can look into my needs for a deserving quality and standard of living is not given attention to. I am one of those ordinary Singaporeans who sigh upon the announcement that there is no contest by any opposition parties in the Single Member Constituency or Group Representation Constituency and therefore, a walkover is announced all the time. Damn.

And interestingly how one should be careful about what is being said whether on the new media or any other platforms of communication, now that sensitivities about the GE is in the air. In fact, I am thinking twice about this blog entry that I am making for I eventually don't wish to land myself in trouble...

Like the following report which describes about a man who was arrested for saying that he wants to burn his voting slip:

"A 32-YEAR-OLD man has been arrested for saying on the Internet that he intends to burn his voting slip and ballot box on Polling Day.

Police said in a statement on Tuesday that on Monday, officers from Ang Mo Kio Police Division arrested the Singaporean Chinese in his Ang Mo Kio home, acting on information they had received.

Investigations showed that he was also believed to have posted a comment which the police said 'was suggestive of causing hurt to Members of Parliament;.

The man was arrested for Communicating an Electronic Record Containing Incitements to Violence, under Section 267C of the Penal Code, Chapter 224. Anyone convicted can be jailed up to five years or fined, or both.

Police said they took threats of violence to the conduct of the electoral process and threats of violence against people seriously."

Source: The Straits Times Online

Melancholy-laden

2011-04-26T10:57:00.001+08:00

"It's a little bit funny... This feeling inside"

LATELY, my blog entries and tweets on Twitter carry much melancholic tone. An air of resentment also lingers there as I briefly penned thoughts and feelings that only display failing hopes of love and affection, and resignation to life in general.

And I'm guessing some of my readers are no longer interested to visit this blog since it becomes laden with personal rantings of such emotional nature. Yes, I admit. I am an 'emo' freak. Perhaps, it is attributed to my sensitive nature to people and the surroundings.

I have not reviewed about the films I have watched nor penned my thoughts about every day issues like how I used to. I have not shared about the places I went to or post photographs which I would have otherwise done so before.

No longer have I the motivation to do so. I get tired, exhausted and drained easily and I know it is showing eventually...

Sigh.

When Things Don't Change, Pick Up The Pieces...

2011-04-24T10:12:00.006+08:00

THE PERPETUAL madness at work is not entirely over. After weeks of long man-hours, late nights of sleeplessness and other things, at least there is some room to breathe a little easy.

I could not stop thinking about the situation at the work place - the hows and whys things were/are the way they were/are...

For example, Boss's sudden last minute involvement and seemingly take control of the project when she could have assisted to take charge and helped in managing the work processes involved during my inevitable 3-weeks absence. Then, she sits to watch all that is happening in the final hours and offer comments that could only create confusion, frustration, heart aches and heart breaks.

Then, I pondered the hows and whys people "break down" under "pressure" inappropriately and unnecessarily. I recalled the incessant fuss over a small favour I requested from a particular colleague for help in managing some basic things - while I was away, which sets a series of brouhaha (and personal attack certainly) that is beyond imagination; about how I was criticised for conveying instructions late, that the work requested for was not in the scope of job stipulated in the beginning, etc - all these exchanges happened behind my back. The overwhelming responses from the other bosses also blew things out of proportions to some extent and added to my itinerary of disgust.

Photo source: www.deviantart.com

Of course, there are other gossips which I refuse to jot them down here but these examples have now caused me to be more cautious about who I deal with at work. Thus, I become more silent ever since I came back to work almost two weeks ago (that a colleague who sits next to me noticed and asked why I became so quiet ever since I came back). For a lack of better words, the experience has caused me to be in a remorse...

And the other worldly happenings involving self and others around me also did not help alleviate matters but add further weight to the already burdened and much troubled inner self.

Nonetheless, I have tried to pick myself up by doing a balancing act of work-life. I much needed it. So for a start, I had signed up as an Ambassador to the Singapore Arts Festival 2011 some time ago hoping that I could be involved in an interest and passion which would keep me grounded and sane. For two Saturdays, I have been attending the Festival Chat sessions to keep up with what artists do and understand the works behind it. I am certainly looking forward to attending some more sessions.

Photo source: www.deviantart.com

Two weeks ago, I bought a new book to re-ignite my passion for reading. Currently, I am reading Little Hands Clapping by Dan Rhodes. And in case you find it puzzling that I hold a book in my hand or have it in my bag, reading is not something new that I picked up. I used to read and now, I have been wanting to get back to that hobby but never found the time and energy to do so. A literary aphrodisiac is what I need in order to feed those brain juices that is now lacking in poetical language and vocabulary.

Next, I am already planning to get back in shape and set days where I will swim and/or gym after work. The state of fitness and stamina has been declining ever since I became too involved in work and other matters. Do more photography and get to know more people of the same hobby. And where time permits, I would want to engage in something meaningful. Learn new things and become involved in them, too. I want and plan to travel to places no matter how short its duration or distance may be...

Yes, I am slowly doing it already. All I am hoping for is to feel recharged and ready to face life ahead as it already is...

Lost

2011-04-12T21:57:00.003+08:00

IN THE midst of typing an entry for a recent workshop I attended, my mind went completely blank. I found myself not able to let my ideas flow as smoothly as I want to.

Then, I thought about penning my thoughts about matters that concern the heart but the topic becomes too deep for anyone to read. But I so badly want to convey the strings of intricate feelings which have been bothering me for so long. About love's lost and found, and lost again somewhere in the cloud of things.Yet I found no connection at all to write down in words as I lost them in my chain of thoughts...

I planned to express the dilemma faced at work, home, family and personal; about future and destiny but I found no desire to write about them because of the cluttered mind and tired body and soul...

Perhaps, I have lost the glow and joy in life; ever hiding true feelings and thoughts deep in the abyss of the heart...

PS: I'm guessing my blog entries lately have been boring and seemingly melancholic...

Come What May from Moulin Rouge

2011-04-05T22:00:00.005+08:00

THIS SONG from the film, Moulin Rouge, sprang to mind for some strange reasons after coming home from work. I have not listened to it for so long... And I still could not get it off my head since then. Can anyone tell me if Come What May is among the collection of songs at a particular KTV lounge?? I would love to sing it one day...

A duet by Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor from the film, it is undeniably one of my favourites... And watching the heart-wrenching segment of the film below never fails to make my hair stand and bring a drop or two of tears rolling down the cheeks... I guess you really have to watch the film to understand what I meant.

PS: I wish to run to my bed, cower and hug my pillow, cry and go to sleep...

Marry You by Glee cast

2011-04-03T11:44:00.003+08:00

CAN I have a Glee wedding where solemnisation ceremony isn't so solemn after all and I can sing and dance down the aisle with my bride at my side...

But wait, who wants to be my bride....

That time again...

2011-04-01T03:36:00.001+08:00

HELLO, people. Yes, you. You out there who decides to read my blog at this unearthly hour (if there are any, that is). How have you been? Standard question to start a conversation. But you can already tell that I am crapping. Lame...

Yes, it's that usual time where I found myself awake again. Insomnia? Don't think so. Troubled? Don't know. It's probably the third or fourth time this week where my mind, body and brain were bursting in a sudden rush of adrenaline and energy that it could not put me back to sleep.

Another time of suffering from mild to occasional severe headaches, too that I could only wish for an explanation why I am in this current state of affairs.

There is nothing to write about it now because I cannot gather the mental activity that is on-going . That's the state of mind now. Issues are pertinent and while I contemplate for resolution and closure, I found myself in deeper thoughts.

Why?

Memory...

2011-03-28T00:34:00.006+08:00

MEMORY from Cats, the award-winning musical by Andrew Lloyd Webber, somehow kept playing in my head the entire Sunday. I don't know why it kept spinning like the CD player or iTunes set on the continuous mode since morning that it made me want to sing it thereafter.

But Memory has always been one of my favourite songs by the famous composer. Watch the videos below, one from the original cast of the musical and another sung 'live' beautifully by Elaine Page who also played the character Grizabella the Glamour Cat in the musical, and you will know why it is one of the meaningful songs, which often gets me emotional in the end...

Video extracted from musical, Cats

Elaine Page singing 'live' at The Royal Albert Hall

I'm a Blackberry Convert

2011-03-27T10:47:00.001+08:00

GOODBYE Samsung. Goodbye Sony Ericsson. Goodbye Nokia and certainly, goodbye iPhone. I will never see you or want you. I have found a new playmate - Blackberry Torch 9800.

Torch 9800 came into my life after the Samsung Omnia II almost died on me 3 days ago. Frustrated that sending text messages became a real chore and a pain in the ass, I accidentally reset the entire phone function that day.

Omnia had not allowed me to transmit my long-written messages to my sender for many times, frequently popping out message which states that my storage memory is low, even after deleting all my most precious messages. Little did I have applications or data saved on the phone.

Toggling from one screen to another was cumbersome and slow. My GPRS and MMS functions "died" some long time ago for reasons even after setting and re-setting them over and over again, and seeking help from the service provider, Starhub.

So that day after work, my patience and tolerance level was at its peak. I could not wait any longer and decided to get a new mobile phone. To town I went and the first thing that attracted my attention was this first slider-cum-touch screen phone.

Photo (above): http://blogs.blackberry.com/2010/08/blackberry-torch/

Strange that I have never considered Blackberry before until that very day. Curious, I asked the pretty customer service lady who immediately came to my attention when I began toying with the Blackberry phones on display. After spending some time clarifying and asking questions, I left the store without purchase.

I thought and wondered hard about getting a Blackberry because in the past, I already had Nokia followed by Sony Ericsson. Then, Omnia II from Samsung entered my life as I was fascinated by the large touch screen and cool mobile TV function and Internet. While there were other options for me to consider like HTC and iPhone 4, I decided to go against the norm.

Besides, for some time already, I have been wanting an iPhone (since it was first introdced in the market) but society has greatly been influenced by iPhoni-sation culture that I finally, I decided to forgo the thought of owning an iPhone and be a little different.

Using the $300 voucher which I got from Starhub annually, I finally got the limited edition of Blackberry Torch White.

Photo (above): http://www.connectionpros.com/search/white+blackberry+torch+singapore

Since then, I am spoilt for choice to either use the keyboard or touch screen function when sending an SMS. I am fascinated by the speed in which my SMS is sent and how I can now view all the exchanges of text messages via the conversation function. I am happy with the speed of assess to the Internet with the latest OS 6 and how fast my text is actually sent.

I am still exploring the functions of my new Blackberry and insofar, it meets the expectations of my daily needs of a phone...

Empty Vessel...

2011-03-26T13:10:00.002+08:00

PEOPLE should really learn to stop and think, and not quibble, make a fuss or make so much noise without even analysing and understanding the purpose when something is being addressed.

Really, like the empty vessel, all they know what to do is ... oh well. You get the point.

Eventually, there is just no need to correct such people who have already made it a habit; not being objective, making fuss over little things yet get away with bigger things which I wonder, if ever any effort is being put in at all...

Sneak Pic of Singapore Biennale 2011

2011-03-22T01:52:00.005+08:00

More photographs taken at the Singapore Art Museum where the Singapore Biennale 2011 takes place will be published soon.

First Day of Work Attachment

2011-03-22T00:26:00.000+08:00

FIRST day of my three-week attachment programme went on smoothly but it was one which began with much anxiety and uncertainty. I had found myself not waking up at the time which I had set the alarm clock to ring. So, I knew I was going to be late when I woke up at 7 a.m...

Panic-stricken, I checked the phone's alarm setting. Damn it. I had unknowingly set it at 6.30 p.m. last night! A quick shower then I got into a taxi which arrived at about 7.30 a.m. With my heart thumping rather quickly, I sat behind the driver and rummaged my heavy bag; hoping that I got everything I needed for work attachment.

The traffic condition was predictable. It was heavy and slow but surprisingly smooth-flowing. My ears were plugged to the sounds of Secret Garden as I tried to calm myself down. Throughout the journey, I became anxious because firstly, I did not want to be late and secondly, I had not completed reading the report, which was crucial in my understanding and purpose of the work involved. In conclusion, I had not come prepared.

My heart beats faster while I coiled from side to side wondering if I would be in great trouble later. Then, I recalled a comment made about the team leader, whom I will be working closely with. Eventually, it was an impression of an absolute tigress that had came to mind. An absolute old tigress...

I said to myself, "Die lah," Nothing could comfort me further when I felt the head started to ache. With my fingers groping my bag, I soon became disappointed to learn that I had left the medication at home. Sigh.

Soon, the moment to meet this "tigress" came. When I heard a voice, I turned to see a stern-looking lady at the door. Suddenly, time stood still. Revelation time... I felt like cowering under the table and admit that I had not done my work.

With a blank expression, she requested for me and my partner to meet her at a meeting room. Then, she began her explanation about purpose and expectations. Well, not the tigress I thought I would see, I said silently and told myself not to be too hopeful.

On two occasions, we met in the meeting room and I discovered that my team leader isn't too bad at all. For now, at least. She is focussed in her work and promises that at the end of the programme, she wants to meet her objective of guiding us through the work process and making sure that we will have a better understanding of processes in management. Assuring, indeed.

Well, there are still more days ahead to really get to know my team leader better. But one thing for sure, her communication and discussion with us earlier today really made me have a much better understanding of certain processes in place. And to be a little more critical in analysing available information.

All I know now is that if I do want to learn from her, I should be more ready and willing to work, and to continue to ask questions and clarify any doubts because obviously, she seemed impressed when we had our doubts clarified during those meetings we had.

Aching Tooth, Excruciating Pain

2011-03-18T04:20:00.000+08:00

UNKNOWINGLY, the pain in one of my upper teeth got worse on Thursday. I did not know what actually caused it - food I ate or just a cavity that's further causing a decay?

The pain extended to my head and I experienced throbbing headache since then. At work, I tried not to think about the pain but focus on what I had to do. However, I became overwhelmed by the sting on the gum and head that I could literally cry in pain. I became restless.

Photo source (left): http://www.tooth-guru.com/tooth-pain.html

Soon, beads of sweat could be felt forming on my forehead even though the room temperature was very low. I tried drinking cold water, then warm water, but nothing seemed to subside the pain and my agony.

For fear that the pain might become more excruciating, I refrained from eating breakfast and lunch that day. All I did was drank bottles of water. And I really meant bottles. Several times, I walked over to the staff lounge and topped up my water bottle with water from the water cooler.

Sip after sip, I hoped to calm and cool myself down but only to be irritated by my frequent visit to the Gents. Whenever a colleague tried to converse with me, I had to keep the conversation short for any sounds of voice or noise aggravated my headache.

Soon, I felt the right side of my face becoming swollen. Frustrated. Distracted. I thought about what I could do to ease the pain away. "Swim!" said the voice in my head. Perhaps, the pressure in the water could alleviate my ache like how the headache went away after a swim at the pool some long, long time ago...

Unfortunately, the ache and pain became very unbearable like the slow stab of a knife on the head and mouth. It was the final straw of tolerance. I grabbed my wallet and recalled a card I received about a dental clinic in town. I asked for the dentist but the clerk informed me that he no longer works there.

While still trying to maintain composure despite the misery, I called the operator and was told of the contact number of the clinic, which the clerk informed me earlier. It was already about 4 p.m. Without hesitation, I called for an immediate appointment. It was either that I have one of my teeth removed or have the pain reduced or go away...

At the dental clinic, the dentist diagnosed the problem and suspected that it had to do with one of the teeth which has a cavity. He also advised me to have another tooth removed via surgery. I did not want to do surgery yet so I agreed with him filling up the cavity.

Tensed, fearful and anxious, I closed my eyes while the dentist performed his work. I refused to take a peek at the machinery or equipment that he used. I was more concerned that he might cause me more pain. I never liked pain. I shiver, tremble and become weak when inflicted with pain...

However, I kept assuring myself to trust the dentist for he knows what to do. Besides, all that I wanted was for the ordeal of lying on the chair and tolerating the pain to be over...

It was less than 20 minutes and the procedure came to an end. Although I could no longer feel much pain at that time, it was definitely a quick relief for I experienced further numbness and pain in the moments that came.

Consuming the painkillers and antibiotics which the dentist prescribed earlier, I tried to rest and sleep but I could not. The headache was still throbbing and the ache was ever-present.

At 2.49 a.m. I got off from bed. I can't sleep. Sigh. I had to struggle another ordeal...

Singapore Biennale 2011 at the Singapore Art Museum

2011-03-14T05:26:00.004+08:00

THE 3rd of the Singapore Biennale opens here on Sunday, 13 March, and I decided to take a peek at the art fiesta by visiting two of the four venues yesterday. My trail of discovery of the art works began at the Marina Bay Promenade where Singapore's famous icon, The Merlion, is transformed into a hotel.

On arrival, I was surprised to see the number of people who thronged the area. The hot sunny weather at One Fullerton did not deter both the domestic and foreign tourists to have a glimpse of Tatzu Nishi's The Merlion Hotel. While eager to have a very rare opportunity to "meet" our Merlion at very close proximity, I did not want to wait in the queue under the scorching sun. Another time, perhaps.

The Merlion Hotel, Singapore Biennale 2011 at Marina Bay

The Singapore Art Museum (SAM) is the other exhibition venue where the contemporary art showcase is held. While SAM was the only place for the day, I was impressed by the level of maturity and theme of this year's Singapore Biennale. Unlike the last event in 2008 which I attended for the first time, the works presented at this venue conveys social messages which are mature in content.

For example, the work of Simon Fijiwara through his installation of Welcome to Hotel Munder contains strong sexual imagery of a hotel bar in Spain which the artist's parents ran in the 1970s. When stepping into the gallery, one can observe the phallic symbols representing the sexual organ in almost every corner. Along with it are materials which are deemed pornographic contained in conspicuous yet notable areas.

Warning: Objectional material may be found in the photographs below.

Above: "Welcome to Hotel Munder", Singapore Biennale 2011 at Singapore Art Museum (with specific areas masked)

Several other objects could be disturbing for the visitor upon entering the room. At a corner, a dart board hung innocently but upon closer inspection, it reveals an anatomy of the human body.

Above: "Welcome to Hotel Munder", Singapore Biennale 2011 at Singapore Art Museum (with specific areas masked)

While it is shocking, this art piece, in my opinion, is not meant to titillate but relay a social statement of repression resulting in promiscuous sexual behavior.

Meanwhile, an installation art that conveys a message of violence in the Philippines is My We by Louie Cordero. Walk into the gallery and you will be welcomed by a disturbing voice crooning to Frank Sinatra's My Way.

The imagery that one gets to see is rather strong and morbid, too.

Right: "My We", Singapore Biennale 2011 at Singapore Art Museum

Moving from one gallery to another at the Singapore Art Museum, I discovered that there are more works of parental guidance nature on display. At almost every entrance to the galleries, you can find advisories that inform the public of the nature of the works.

For me, it is surprising yet refreshing to learn that works which play on themes of sex and violence - once condemned and a subject of taboo in the past - have been given the 'go ahead' by the relevant authorities.

Does this mean that artists - be it local or foreign - now have greater leeway to be bolder in exploring and expressing contemporary social issues through art? Are graphic sex and violence, which are presumably "artistic", have now become acceptable by the government and therefore, to be embraced by Singapore's society?

Left: "My We", Singapore Biennale 2011 at Singapore Art Museum

After all, an avenue such as the Singapore Biennale, where evidently from my experience at the Singapore Art Museum, have pointed to the fact that the local authorities have somewhat relaxed the rules by allowing controversial works of art be seen by the public.

Disturbing are some of the installation art pieces, nonetheless it gives an awareness that if done tastefully, art is an influential and powerful tool of social construct.

Well, enough said for now. I will publish some more photographs I captured at the Singapore Art Museum later in the day (because it is really time for me to sleep after waking up at 2a.m. for no particular reason...)

Above: "Java's Machine: Phantasmagoria", Singapore Biennale 2011 at Singapore Art Museum

Next week, my exploration at the Singapore Biennale 2011 continues with a visit to the National Museum of Singapore.

Of Headache and Hospital...

2011-03-12T19:36:00.000+08:00

YIKES! I know I have not updated my blog for almost a week now... It's just that... I have been busy juggling with work. At the same time, I was occupied with personal matters; drowning in my own uncertainties and grappling with my own self. It just sucks to be me...

The throbbing headache did not go away since the afternoon after I made my bill payments in Jurong East. When I returned home, the pain heightened. Probably, it was partly due to the realisation that the total monthly payment has been increasing over the past few months. I discovered it as I made the remaining payments online.

After awhile, I did some laundry while still waiting to download the new version of iTunes. Occasionally rubbing my right forehead and wishing that the headache could go away sooner.

(Photo source: Deviantart)

The phone rang and it was a call from Dad. Before I could pick up the call, the phone stopped ringing. Uneasiness sets in because Dad rarely calls me unless there is something important or urgent. While deep in thoughts, I received a text message from Dad which directed me to my voice mailbox.

That's when I felt more throbbing in the head. I was worried about what could have possibly happened. I know my two nephews are still ill and I know that my parents were fine when I last met them recently. What could it be?

The voice in my voice mail box belonged to Mom, who sounded cheerful. "Call me back at your dad's number!" Strange.

When Dad picked up the phone, I could not really make up what he said because he spoke too fast. The only thing I could hear was "hospital".

"What?!" I exclaimed. Dad laughed and told me to wait as he called out to Mom. I was confused.

When Mom's voice came on the other side of the line, she began relating about her mobile phone which was faulty. It was funny how she called me to complain about what happened. "My phone is sick. In hospital. So don't SMS me because I keep pressing the button, but I can't -" Mom rattled in Malay. Relieved but tickled because I finally understood what Dad meant, I advised Mom to have her phone repaired.

"They loaned me a phone for the time being. But no use lah. I still don't know how to use it," Then, she laughed.

I giggled listening to the voice which I needed to hear somehow. Mom's voice was just music to my ears and I felt calm when she spoke. I forgot about my worries and the headache.

After the conversation, I sat at the computer staring at the figures. Why does the amount seem to keep on increasing? Electric bills is not high. Rental payment is the same. The amount for the bank billings seemed relatively constant. So is my cable TV charges. Mobile phone charges? Hmmm... Wait.

Sigh. OK, now that my hunger pangs set in, I wondered if I should go out to have my dinner or just remain home to rest. Grrr...

Maid. I need a maid right now. Or a helper. Or perhaps, a wife... Huh?

Headache. Oh, never mind.

Jog? At 4.15 A.M.

2011-03-06T04:19:00.001+08:00

WHEN I woke up from sleep thirty minutes ago, I felt the beads of perspiration on my forehead and back. I could not get back to sleep even after I tossed and turned on the couch.

Restless, I switched on the computer and surfed the Internet but it began to bore me. Though a little tired, I felt somewhat fresh. I told myself to go back to sleep but I knew it would not do me any good. I tried reading the 215-page report which I was supposed to read prior to a school attachment in 2 weeks time but I found the task such a chore.

Then, I washed my face and brushed my teeth and decided if I should go for a very early morning jog. I think it might be a good idea. Running in the cool, invigorating wind and listening to soft music from my iPod Touch. The idea excites me but I contemplated because I have never tried going for a jog at such hour.

I left the door opened only to find my pet cat, Snowflake, sneaking out of the house a few times without my knowledge. For those few times, I had to unlock the gate and ushered him in. Then, I stood at the gate looking out at the emptiness.

Five minutes and still contemplating... Oh such a difficult thing to decide!

That's it. I will put on my sports attire and enjoy the morning breeze.

Jangan Pergi by d'Masiv

2011-02-28T21:56:00.005+08:00

HERE IS the latest song by the popular Indonesian band group, d'Masiv. This is one band which is also my favourite among the few good ones around.
Literally translated, it means 'Don't Go", a song that aptly describes the plea of a loved one to another to remain by his/her side no matter what...

The Dry Box Dilemma

2011-02-28T20:32:00.000+08:00

I HAVE plans to enhance my hobby in photography but to date, I have not achieved what I wished for. Remember that some time ago, I was eager with the idea of buying a telephoto and/or a micro lens. Due to budget constraints, I shelved that noble thought of getting one.

Then, after receiving back my 18-200 mm lens not too long ago after sending it for maintenance and servicing, I want to buy a dry box. Yes, I need a dry box to store my camera so that the lens will not be affected by growth of fungus. In a humid tropical climate like Singapore, it is necessary to keep such equipment free from such occurrence.

However, I do not want to buy a small and cheap one. And I do not need one that can only store one equipment because considering that I have plans to buy additional lenses in the near future, I do not want to buy a dry box like this:

Perhaps, something like this one below would fit my requirement:

Alternatively, I could try keeping the camera like that shown in the picture below...

The above might seem like a cost effective way but I am not certain if it is really effective in protecting the lifespan and maintenance of the equipment.

Any thoughts?

My Confession About Single Daddy In Love

2011-02-26T17:53:00.000+08:00

LET ME confess. Never have I been affected after watching soap operas or sappy television series. In fact, I do not like to sit in front of the small television screen and waste my time in plots or storylines that are elaborate, complicated or shallow.

Neither do I want to find myself cooped up in front of the TV waiting for the story to develop or unfold each week. I also do not also want to let my emotions become too involved with the characters that, in the end, cause me to feel upset or emotional.

However, I must confess that despite what I think and/or feel about drama serials, little did I realise that for the past 4 weeks, I have found myself glued to the TV and forced myself to remain awake just to keep up with a foreign language drama series on cable TV.

And so for almost every night then, I became fond and hooked to the encore telecast of a romantic Korean series, Single Daddy In Love, which was aired on KBS World.

Let me confess too, that even after the television series ended two days ago, I still feel sad as I continue to relate to the main characters who were involved in such a complicated relationship that ends in a rather unfortunate way.

As the title suggests, Single Daddy In Love is about a single father, Pung-ho, who lives with his son, Kang San. His wife had left him and the child to pursue her dreams of becoming a pianist. Enter a bubbly medical student, Hari, in the life of the pest exterminator and boxer, who soon finds himself in a delicate juggle between professing his true feelings for Hari and his discovery of the love that is forbidden.

Of course, the plot did not end there. It gets complicated as the drama progresses. Though pace is slow but nonetheless gripping, it is the eventual revelation of fate and an ever uncertain end that will relate well with anyone who experiences failed romance and unrequited love in reality.

You might ask what makes me have a sudden interest in Korean drama. My answer: I don't know. I just know that after watching the first episode, I became attracted to the comedy and love affair, and the story of a perplexed relationship between the single father, his son and Hari. The presence of Pung-ho's ex-wife, So Yi, in their lives makes the plot even more interesting (and frustrating) to watch.

In Single Daddy In Love, Pung-ho reflects the ideal characters and qualities of a father who looks after his very adorable Kang San. I admit that watching Pung-ho in the drama triggers a paternal instinct as I long to have and look after a good and obedient boy like Kang San. In fact, the father-son relationship was intense and emotional that it was heart-wrenching to learn that the two would eventually have to be apart for a reason the boy may never unveil.

Then, there's the innocent and sweet romance between Pung-ho and Hari, who warms the heart with love. Smitten by the display of Hari's affection for Pung-ho, one cannot help to feel sorry for her whenever she tried to express her deepest love for the man she admired while Pung-ho tries hard to brush aside but conceal his feelings for his love interest.

Though the ending of the story is inconclusive, I cannot help to feel disappointed and sorrowful that Kang San might never see his loving father again. And that even though Hari eventually receives Pung-ho's confession of love for her, it is sad to learn that she has to lose someone whom she loves very much in the end... Sigh.

There are no words that can describe how I actually like this drama. I know it is strange and weird that this statement comes from me, especially to have a sudden interest in a Korean drama.

I confess that I cannot help holding back the tears whenever there were tear-jerking or heart-warming moments. And no matter how hard I tried, there's always a sense that tears were welting or crawling down the corners of my eyes. I hate to cry. And I hate watching other people cry. Gosh.

But Single Daddy In Love touches the inner most part of humanity and deals with the dilemma in any human relationship. There is a sad truth that life is never perfect. No matter how pure and true the heart and intentions are, we have to learn to accept Fate.

One can only hold on to Hope for the better...

Ballerina Loves B-Boy reviewed

2011-02-20T13:24:00.001+08:00

NOW, I admit that I know nothing about anything that is Korean. Other than the famous fermented dish, kimchi, I know that the country is also famous for its K-pop scene with popular bands like Super Junior, 2PM and Shinee. Korean drama series is also something that has caught up with many people here for sure.

But after watching the musical, Ballerina Loves B-Boy, at the Esplanade Theatre last night, I think I'm a little more intrigued about Korean culture.

For a start, Ballerina showcased heart-pounding and jaw-dropping performances by break dancing groups such as Extreme Crew, which is renowned for its B-Boy World Champions title. Their high energy dance captivated the audience who gave thunderous cheers and applause after every stunts performed on stage.

Break dancing is not something that is new but what makes this musical refreshing are the stunts such as airflares that is seemingly never ending, and freezes that are long-lasting. It really is something which is never seen performed on the streets before.

The strength, agility and flexibility of the performers are a thing to be amazed at as they dazzled the stage with gyrating moves, power and energy while accompanying the loud and fast music.

There was also fusion of hip hop and ballet while telling a story of a ballerina who falls in love with a B-boy. Although there is no dialogue, the dance battle and non-verbal gestures by the cast on stage conveyed a strong and common understanding of a story-telling that is simple yet entertaining.

However, Ballerina falls flat in terms of technicalities. While I'm aware that this is not a genre that must be likened to theatre, the transition from one scene to another is flawed at times. Though the use of lights to create mood and transition was somehow distracting, on several occasions you find performers go slightly off their light boundaries.

The stage was also flat and with too many things happening at the same time that it was rather difficult to focus on the different characters doing different things. If a raised platform was created instead, seemingly two different situations that happened at the same time, like that between the B-Boys who were doing their routines and the ballerinas who were watching and being ridiculed by the rest of the break dancers, would have conveyed the unfolding of events with much more sense.

Nonetheless, Ballerina is one enjoyable performance that will leave you breathless.

When parents won't listen

2011-02-18T17:53:00.001+08:00

"WHEN parents do not want to listen, how would you expect their children to do the same??!"

I said those words to a colleague after hanging up the phone and feeling flustered about the telephone conversation I just had. I cannot understand why some parents become defensive and adamant about their opinion when they choose not to give a listening ear so that they can understand the rationale for doing things a certain way.

For 20 minutes, I had to try to interrupt the lady on the other side of the phone to allow me to explain and shed some light with regards to her concerns about a programme that will be conducted soon for her child. Unfortunately, it was to no avail.

"But ma'am, can you please allow me to...," I said calmly many times while containing my frustration and anger.

Like the irritating supermarket music that's played over and over again, the lady rattled on about how she is concerned about "heavy" involvement at school, the amount of "stress" imposed on her child as a result of her participation, how she "have decided" not to allow the child to participate, accused the organisation of "forcing" the child to attend the programme repeatedly, about how she prefers a classroom teacher-centred learning approach and so forth.

And all those while, not a chance for reasoning and explanation was given to me. It was absurd.

I could have been harsh and rude but bearing in mind that I have to maintain my professionalism when dealing with people, I continued to remain patient. Yet, I was accused of laughing inappropriately and told that "this is not a laughing matter".

I guess she did not get the joke that was on her instead because she was not even trying to listen.

Eventually, she arrived at her senses a little and asked me to furnish further information but I was still unsure if the lady eventually agreed to allow her daughter to participate.

"I will have to speak to my husband," she replied.

I thanked her for her time and hung up the phone. Then, I went almost cynical and berserk...

(Above photo source: http://www.tribuneindia.com/2008/20080616/jal.htm)

Run, run away...

2011-02-18T16:22:00.000+08:00

SIGH. I wonder if there comes a time when I finally give myself up from being committed to work and everything else, then run away as far as I possibly can from all responsibilities...

When the meeting that concerns our professional development ended a few minutes ago, I went back to my desk and slumped on my chair. I just want to sit down, lay my head on my desk and rest. I feel very exhausted physical and mentally. Even while I am typing my thoughts, I find it a chore thinking about what and how to phrase my sentences. There's just too much work involved.

Earlier today, I spent two hours in the boss's office discussing and talking with my new bosses about work expectations and concerns. During that work review session, I raised my concerns about the things that I am, have been and will be doing. Exhaustion sets in thereafter, as I tried to make sense of the information overload given by one of my new bosses.

The bosses acknowledged that my plate is full for the first half of the year, and offered me their assistance when needed but at this point, where things are already in place and on-going, I just don't know what assistance I could request for and get. Besides, I don't want to appear incapable or incompetent should I raise some them.

All I can express now is just how much I am exhausted. I want to stop working, take a step back and laze around. Recuperate. Go on a holiday. Engage in as much photography as I can now that I got my Nikon lens back after sending it for servicing. Fly a kite. Sit by the beach and soak in the sun, sand and sea.

I want to get my energy back. However, there are tonnes of things to be done and I don't feel like taking care of what needs to be done most.

Yes, I feel like running. Run away... That's just what I know I am always good at. I always run away from complications...

Laboratory Test Result

2011-02-15T13:29:00.001+08:00

AN UNFAMILIAR number appeared on the handphone screen last night. I thought for awhile about picking up the call. Should I or should I not pick up, I asked myself. Hesitant, I decided to attend to the call.

The lady at the other end spoke in a gentle voice, informing me that the results of my blood test which I took last Friday was ready and that I could come to the clinic to see the doctor. Without thinking twice, I left the workplace for consultation at the clinic.

The doctor appeared calm and asked about the condition of my right foot. I explained to him about how the pain had subsided greatly and that I was walking fine that day. Then, he showed me data which I could not comprehend but soon understood. "You don't have gout," said the doctor confidently. The laboratory report showed that my uric acid level is at 0.32. The acceptable level is between 0.22 to 0.54.

"So, you don't have to worry," he said. I felt very relieved.

When asked about why I felt the pain few days ago, he concluded that it could be the condition of my muscle or ligament due to my posture, physical exertion from exercise or an old injury. On food, he added that I do not have to worry about any restrictions to my food consumption. Another relief...

I thanked the doctor and left the clinic without the need to pay any charges. I could feel the load off my shoulder and chest. My worries about my physical condition are gone.

Still, I should not be complacent.

Thank you all for your concerns and prayers...

What did you say, doctor?

2011-02-12T12:44:00.001+08:00

THE PAIN did not subside. Not wanting to aggravate the pain at the foot area, I called for the taxi to work. At the work place, I kept limping around as I felt the physical pain whenever I attempt to place my right foot on the ground while walking. I felt ridiculous and awkward that every time someone asked me what happened and if I was alright.

After work, I decided to visit the doctor even though the pain was not as strong as last night. Within 5 minutes after registration at the counter, the doctor called me in. On describing my situation, I watched the doctor frown. I explained to him about the bone area where pain was felt at most times.

"It might be gout. I am not sure," said the doctor.

I was stunned a little. I could not believe what I heard. Gout? It can't possibly be because I have always thought that gout happens to people who are obese or overweight.

The male doctor then explained about the possibility of gout due to consumption of meat products, beans and some others types of food. Then, he described about crystals developing in the joints that cause the pain. Soon, I felt an information overload as I tried to understand what was happening to me. The only thing I remembered clearly was about having too much proteins in the body and ulric acid.

(Above, photo source: http://treatmentsforgout.com/wp/)

Still puzzled, I pointed to him again and told him about the swelling and pain of the bone area where the nerves are. He paused for awhile then decided to extract my blood for a blood test, which I was not prepared to take. I turned away when the needle was inserted. I felt weak thereafter. I hate needle injections...

"We will call you on Monday or Tuesday to really know if you have gout. But if you do have it, then there are a lot of things that I will need to explain to you," the doctor said and he wrote some information on a label.

I left the consultation room, took the medicine and left the clinic rather uncertain and unsatisfied. That was when I decided to have a second doctor's opinion.

At the next clinic I attended to, the doctor confirmed that I have a case of mild gout. My hopes somewhat shattered.

"What did you say it was, doctor?" I asked, dumbfounded.

He explained that I might be experiencing a mild one and that the pain attack may recur again and again. The same information about crystals in the joint, proteins and ulric acid were related to me. I was speechless. I wanted to ask him more questions but I was lost for words.

At nightfall, I experienced the most excruciating pain I ever felt in my entire life. The attack was intermittent at first. Then, the pain at the bone/joint near the toe area prolonged.

There was much discomfort. I could not tolerate the sharp pain despite massaging my feet gently. It was very unbearable that I shed tears continuously.

I did not know what to do except to lie down after consuming the medicine, still with tears trickling down my sides. Soon, I found myself falling asleep.

When morning came, I was worried but the pain had subsided so much. There was great relief but I was still cautious about my movement because I could still feel the slight pain in that same area.

I am concerned about the outcome of the blood test. If I am really diagnosed for gout, then I really do not know what I should do. One thing for sure, I might find myself not able engage in movements as a result...

Pain and limping

2011-02-10T21:53:00.002+08:00

IT IS hurting near the joint where my right toe is. And the pain has escalated a little in the evening as I walked home from work. Not knowing why, I kept on limping a little.

It's strange that I should feel that way. Previously, I did feel some discomfort but not a sharp pain as I am experiencing today...

(photo source: http://www.ourhealthnetwork.com/conditions/FootandAnkle/Sesamoiditis.asp)

Then, I realised that a swell developed. Since I could not describe exactly where the intermittent stinging pain is, I made an online check on the parts of foot. Hopefully, I am right to point out where it is. From the image above, the pain and swelling is located above the sesamoid bone area.

Since then, I have been applying lots of medicated Axe Oil brand on the particular area to ease the pain. I am not sure if I should visit the doctor or go for a foot massage...

Hopefully, I won't have to wake up to a bigger swelling tomorrow morning.

Greater responsibilities = More work load?

2011-02-07T21:48:00.001+08:00

ONLY the first day of the week after a long weekend and I am already very exhausted. From morning since after the regular lessons, I attended a very important meeting which I had to co-chair. After that, I make my presence at a programme that was running at the same time.

During the meeting, I found myself becoming irritated at the nitty gritty raised that I eventually voiced out my opinion when I reminded everyone to keep track of time and suggested for them to discuss further at the meeting with their respective members at a later date.
Later, after minutes and minutes of discussion, I spoke of how I felt "disturbed" that the committee was not reflecting on doing something new and different when that was the intended direction to take for the event. In fact, I felt I was rather vocal (or perhaps harsh or rude) when I mentioned that whatever ideas tabled for discussion were no different from the previous practices because it was "pointless" and did not align to the new set of direction that was agreed upon earlier in the meeting...

Clearly, I wanted the meeting to be concise, short and to-the-point while understanding the need to discuss some matters in a little more detail. But I think I was just affected by the fact that I was very exhausted and tired. I realised that I am doing more work than ever. And with it comes greater responsibilities that I have to also shoulder.

Let me get this straight. I am not lodging a complain about work. I enjoy keeping myself occupied and doing things that I like but I wonder (and still is wondering) why I was given added tasks with accountabilities. I questioned my job description and the things that I do - from planning, executing, monitoring to mentoring, and some more.. I could have done with the time to carefully plan and monitor programmes instead of being directed to doing more things.

(Photo source: http://www.deviantart.com)

With only 2 months into the year, I already feel quite overwhelmed with work. But I know it is not about my time management or setting priorities. At a point of time, I really wonder the extent to which management is pushing me to my limit. How much more does management need to see my potential at work?

I am beginning to feel that I am doing too much and stretching myself too thinly to allow myself breathing space to monitor and focus on specific things...

You know, I am aware that I am given higher responsibilities for a reason but it does not mean I need to be given greater work load...

Pujaan Hati by Kangen Band

2011-02-06T21:09:00.006+08:00

hei pujaan hati apa kabarmu
ku harap kau baik-baik saja
pujaan hati andai kau tahu
ku sangat mencintai dirimu

hei pujaan hati setiap malam
aku berdoa kepada sang Tuhan
berharap cintaku jadi kenyataan
agar ku tenang meniti kehidupan

* hei pujaan hati, pujaan hati
pujaan hati, pujaan hati

reff:
mengapa kau tak membalas cintaku
mengapa engkau abaikan rasaku
ataukah mungkin hatimu membeku
hingga kau tak pernah pedulikan aku

cobalah mengerti keadaanku
dan cobalah pahami keinginanku
ku ingin engkau menjadi milikku
lengkapi jalan cerita hidupku

hei pujaan hati, pujaan hati

hei pujaan hati setiap malam
aku berdoa kepada sang Tuhan
berharap cintaku jadi kenyataan
agar ku tenang meniti kehidupan

repeat *, reff

The lazy cat

2011-02-05T12:42:00.000+08:00

Of weird weather and strange phenomenon...

2011-02-04T10:24:00.000+08:00

LATELY, things are looking grim on Earth. With events happening all over the world which appear not to have logical explanations, skepticism and concerns are abound.

Erratic climate are evidently causing chaos in parts of the world. In the last few months, news reported about the flood in southeastern Australia and attributing it to the La Nina effect. Recently, Cyclone Yasi devastated the same continent in the northeast in Queensland.

Above: A satellite image showing the distance of Cyclone Yasi as it approaches Australia. (Photo source: http://dinandnoise.com/din24.html)

At the same time, the largest storm since the 1950s has hit the United States causing heavy deposition of snow and ice. Even closer to home, occurrence of flood is reported in some parts of Malaysia causing disruption to the Malaysian Chinese celebrating the Lunar New Year.

While the above phenomenon are not new because naturally, they have been taking place year after year, it is the magnitude or extent in which such events occurred which is of concern. Many people are quick to point to the consequences of global warming as the explanation to why are the climate is getting weirder.

Then, there is the discovery of crop circles in Yogyakarta, Indonesia, the first to be reported in the Southeast Asian region. When news broke out, many people are skeptic. Some think it is a hoax (recently, it was said that the a group of students there have claimed responsibility for creating those crop circles) while others attributed it to alien intervention.

Above: Crop circles in Indonesia. Is it real or fake? (Photo source: The Phenomena Pictures In The World)

The video below is taken from the site where the crop circle was reported:

Then, another unexplained incident made headlines where an incident in Jerussalem was reported early this week, one that really sent shock and wonder about the real existence of aliens, and obviously Divine Intervention. The video below is arguably one of the latest posted on Youtube, claimed to be the best footage of the UFO over the Dome of the Rock taken so far...

Real or not, there are people who believe that the UFO footage is a sign and message from God, especially when it happened in a holy land in Israel. A check online showed that the latest unexplained event have attracted various responses from all around the world. Like the crop circles, a number of skeptics have dismissed the video as unreliable and fake while believers stated it to be true.

Whatever the opinion, one thing is for sure. People relate these unexplained forces and phenomenon to the fact that the world is ending. And that the changing weather and all that is unexplained direct people to fear and uncertainty. People turn to faith and religion to bring reason(s) for these incidences while there are those who relied on science.

Personally, these events are intriguing and captivating the mind. Yes, while I do believe that strange weather and the unexplained leads me to become more humble to the fact than Man is not Lord of the Universe, it should also serve to remind all of us that there are stronger, unseen Forces at work, whom Man should supplicate to...

Another Sam Tsui rendition of Lady Gaga Medley...

2011-02-03T00:03:00.000+08:00

ANOTHER video by Sam Tsui doing his rendition of Lady Gaga medley... I went breathless. How the hell did this guy manage to take in so much breath and such strong vocals??!

What an envy this guy is. I wish I can sing like him Grrr...

Sam Tsui, the Internet singing talent

2011-02-02T22:47:00.005+08:00

I CHANCED upon this music video, a cover of Britney Spear's Hold It Against Me and I wondered who the singer is. He certainly has good vocals, I thought.

A check online revealed that the vocalist is Sam Tsui, a musician and an Internet celebrity who rose to fame on Youtube. Cool. I found out that he also did a rendition of Firework by Katy Perry. Goodness. He really can sing!

Happy Chinese New Year!

2011-02-02T07:09:00.001+08:00

HERE is wishing my Chinese blogger friends, followers, visitors and all who knows me a very Happy Chinese New Year. Thank you for your continued support and the various comments given to the articles I wrote so far. May this Year of the Rabbit brings joy and happiness to your family!

And I hope to bring you my updates over the long Chinese New Year weekend, too. :)

Wet Chinatown

2011-01-30T11:11:00.001+08:00

DOING photography was what I had planned since last week and I had decided to immerse myself in the hustle and bustle of the Chinese New Year's festive spirit. The plan, therefore, was to make a trip to Chinatown on Saturday.

The weekend came and I was hopeful to visit Chinatown in the evening knowing that it might be a frenzy with a crowd that thronged the area for last minute shopping. But the rain poured intermittently, then rained heavily continuously that evening and I wondered if it was still worth the trip down...

I did, eventually, but I was restricted to movement due to the downpour. Still, I tried what best I can given the wet, cool weather.

MM Lee, why such remarks?

2011-01-29T19:38:00.001+08:00

SERIOUSLY, the comments made by Singapore's Minister Mentor (MM) Lee Kuan Yew about the Malay-Muslim community has transpired regret, ill-feelings and criticism. While I am not one who is eager or keen about politics or anything seemingly political, I find MM Lee's comments not just brewed with malicious intent but also disturbing in content.

One particular thing he spoke about - a remark he made in his book "Hard Truths To Keep Singapore Going" - was how the Muslim community here is affecting progress for racial integration in this country. Yahoo! Singapore reported MM Lee as saying that while Singapore "can integrate all religions and races except Islam" because in his opinion, Muslims are "distinct and separate" (full news report here).

In comparing the experience of working with politicians during his generation to the present, MM Lee seemed to suggest that the situation is much different now. He added: "...you go to schools with Malay and Chinese, there's a halal and non-halal segment and so, too, the universities. And they tend to sit separately so as not to be contaminated. All that becomes a social divide."

Suggesting to alleviate the divide, MM Lee said, "Be less strict on Islamic observances and say 'Okay, I'll eat with you."

(Photo above, source: http://lalaland9.wordpress.com/2008/01/24/is-mm-lee-still-relevant/)

Muslim organisations in Singapore such as the Association of Muslim Professionals (AMP) and Pertubuhan Kebangsaan Melayu Singapura (PKMS) have since responded to such comments (detailed responses by both organisations can be read here and here). Local newspapers such as The Straits Times also carried responses by Singaporeans through its Forum page.

Frankly, for someone whom I give due respect for his efforts to make this little island into a progressive society, which highly regards values of peace and harmony, it is very disappointing to know that MM Lee had publicly given such statements.

While I try not to be very judgmental about him MM Lee, who is already in his twilight years, and attempt to rationalise the context in which the statements were made, here is where I take offense with what this great leader had said.

For one, never have I disregarded my non-Muslim friends. In fact, many of the Malay/Muslim friends had/have always been tolerant with their non-Muslim counterparts, and vice versa.

During meals, I tell my non-Muslim acquaintances or friends that I can just sit with them while I consume my halal food. They also welcome me to sit with them while we have our meals. It is okay and never a problem for me or anyone. Neither a fuss or show disgust should my Chinese colleagues eat pork or non-halal food beside or in front of me.

Our food courts or food centres may seem to suggest that divide more prominently as you see halal food stalls in one corner with the rest of the non-halal food stalls dominating the rest. But, is that not a given situation that such separation is necessary to respect cultural and religious differences? Despite the "segregation" of selling of food, everyone still comes together under the same one roof.

And while differences in religious practices may not be fully understood then, there has never been any disagreement but a show of respect and understanding for one another's practices. As Singaporeans, many of us have come to tolerate that.

Recalling my experience at the university where I graduated from, while the sense of faith in Islam among many Muslim undergraduates were strong, I never encountered a situation where fellow undergraduates, Muslim or not, make themselves "distint" from the others.

Yes, I admit there were times where you find cliques of people in their veil or tudung at the National University of Singapore's (NUS) campus - and in fact, I remember clearly how there was friction and tension between the tudung and non-tudung girls over the wearing of the veil issue (which might still exists till now... and that I find such tiff crappy and waste of time) - never did the Muslim undergraduates, including myself, not ever sit with their Chinese friends for a meal or not. The social divide was absent because we may be divided in some areas, but as a whole, people still come together with a common ground of understanding and goal.

At schools, National Education teaches Singaporean students the need to have a sense of belonging to the country, emphasizing that there is no one race or religion that is above the rest. History lessons remind the young people of how Singaporeans should be sensitive with religious and/or racial issues. If not handled with care and sensitivity, it can cause another Maria Hertogh riots of the 1950s.

And when Muslim students attend Christian schools here, they were made to sit through masses daily but not participate in it. There is no fuss about it. There is no divide where Muslim students request to be separated from the rest during masses because ultimately, the experience of sitting through such gatherings will teach every student the value of tolerance for one another's differences in religion and practices, and therefore accept them as part of the culture in this multiracial society.

So I wonder, where is this "distinct and separate" which MM Lee spoke of? What exactly is the problem? If you speak of no integration between Malay/Muslims and the others, there's greater evidence of tolerance and acceptance nowadays. Look around. You will see.

Of course, there are other issues which MM Lee have commented but I will not wish to discuss them.

I am not certain if MM Lee is trying to stir up sentiments when he might be trying to suggest to Singaporeans to be more aware and remain united for the sake of the country's survival in future. However, if that is the intention, then surely he could have simply convey his message in less subtle but direct way to remind the people of Singapore of such situation and its danger.

But certainly not in a way that could only cause more divide in this little country that is prone to influences from the outside world...

The Green Hornet Stings!

2011-01-29T08:04:00.003+08:00

THERE'S only one way to describe The Green Hornet movie starring Seth Rogen and Jay Chou - It stings. But its sting is not lethal yet potent enough to leave behind a sweetness and quite a lasting impression that is accompanied by some good rush of adrenaline fun.

The movie began with a slow but steady introduction to Britt Reid, the character played by Seth Rogen, who eventually decides to become a superhero and find justice after his stern father passed away. And how did he become so? By waking up one day and finds his morning coffee not tasting and looking the same.

Realising that he had fired Kato (played by Jay Chou), his morning coffee-maker and his deceased father's valet and mechanic, he recalls Kato to his mansion. Inspired by what Kato can do with gadgetry and machines, Britt psyched Kato to become his nameless sidekick. And what they set out initially to be some kind of naive and mischievous turned into a serious quest and adventure for ridding crime.

The chemistry between Britt and Kato is - in my opinion - ideal. Rogen is convincingly irritating, portraying Britt as the egocentric and selfish individual who claims glory for the crime-fighting spree as The Green Hornet. Chou, on the other hand, appears more like himself - the expressionless and serious figure on screen. And he does have difficulty accentuating almost every single English word he utters (that I could not figure out some of the things he said). Ironically, Chou is seriously funny and he looks good when donning the costume that I became convinced he is the right actor to be casted for the movie. Chou's depiction of Kato is indeed enjoyable to watch that he made Kato steal the show through skills of invention and martial arts.

The Green Hornet is indeed fun and comedic with witty and clever lines, and humour paced and delivered in appropriate places. The action peaks with wham!! bam!! and pow! Anticipate that some characters suffer violent deaths - something I least expect from a PG-rated movie. Then again, this film will restrict itself from delivering entertainment for the family if it were rated NC-16 (not suitable for viewers aged 16 years old and below).

While the movie is worth watching, it is better in 2D.

My ratings: ****/5

A little update and The Green Hornet...

2011-01-26T21:40:00.000+08:00

LATELY, there hasn't been much things for me to write about. Even if there are, I don't quite know how to organise my thoughts and pen it down. At some points, I just don't want to express some matters that would seem imperative for me to jot it down here but whenever I get to sit down in front of the computer, the idea simply floats and vanishes into thin air...

I fell quite ill on Monday after attempting to put a cure to my runny nose which developed over the weekend. Of course, my attempt was to no avail. I had to report sick that Monday because of the flu that worsened. So I was given two days of medical leave to recover from the seasonal flu...

And I do want to tell you something - that I will be watching The Green Hornet in 3D tomorrow evening! To town I will go after attending a meeting! Woohooo!

Well, I do hope it will be worth the money watching Jay Chou attempting to speak in the English accent and choosing to watch this film in 3D instead of 2D.

Nope, I am not going to read any reviews or find out what the movie is about or anything that might just influence how I embrace this movie. But I do hope I won't be in for a rude shock... Unlike the experience of watching Love And Other Drugs recently where I simply didn't realise that there would be too much nudity and sex!

The Bali Journals: Day Two

2011-01-23T18:44:00.001+08:00

OKAY, so this entry is supposed to have been published some super, duper long time ago that I had actually forgotten about it. And I still have got three more days of photographs and rantings in Bali! So here goes Day Two...

AFTER an interesting Day One at Bali, Indonesia, I looked forward to explore more of Bali, Indonesia. Here are the activities on Day Two as recorded on my iPod Touch:

Day Two

Notes 1: Supposed to wake up for breakfast but in the end, remained in bed a little longer. Went to the gym. Spent about 45 minutes there. Old machines. Not sure how some works but at least got to do some form of exercises.

Notes 2: Left hotel for a tour of Bali at 8.45am. Sun is out today unlike the day before. Nice sunny weather. Hope it will remain throughout till evening. As I looked out of the window of the passengers seat of the car, I noticed huge statues at and along some roads. What do they represent? Most are a representation of the story of Ramayana.

Notes 3: Arrived at a place (What's the name?!) just in time to witness another signature arts form in Bali, the Barong and Keris Dance.

Interesting concept. An old, open air theatre with no sound systems at all. No microphones to amplify the voices of the actors whom at most times, seemed to be drowned by the sounds of the gamelan. The gamelan players were situated on the left of stage. Audience were seated on red plastic chairs, the kind you notice in some canteens or hawker centres back home. Fans hung above the audience. I probably think that this is how theatre was like in the days where technology was not even present. Rich, original theatre... Maybe this is also how Greek theatre feels like when it first began in Athens, Greece.

I could not quite understand what was going on and I kept looking at synopsis printed on a piece of paper. The language use sounded ancient. Perhaps, the actors were communicating in Sanskrit or Javanese?

Nonetheless, I was intrigued by the elaborate, colourful costumes and some graceful movements of the dancers. What I did not like though was how the actors, at some points, break from their character to communicate with the foreigners through "Hello!", "Welcome to Bali" or a non-verbal hand gestures of welcome. Why should they even do so? (In fact, same thing happened at the Kecak dance).

Notes 4: Visited a handicraft village in Batuan where a array of traditional and modern art works were on display. A friendly artist showed me around and described some of the paintings there. Felt bad that I didn't purchase any of the interesting works hung in the musky halls of the art gallery.

I later learnt that the artists in Bali are inspired by stories from Ramayana and their religious beliefs.

Notes 5: Next stop, a visit to one of Bali's scenic location in Kintamani. I felt an urge to rush up the steps of Restoran Gunawan for a view of Mount Batur. When I eventually stepped out of the restaurant, I was greatly awed by the sight of the active stratovolcano in Bali. According to Pak Wayan, the driver-cum-tour guide, the volcano last erupted in 1963. And the devastation of that eruption was evident from the gentle flanks of the volcano which is covered in some kind of blackness of ash.

Then, far across the other side sits Mount Agung, another volcano with an elevation of about 3,100 metres above sea leve, the highest mountain in Bali. Spectacular!

Seriously, I cannot describe how amazed I felt looking at the wonders of Nature. Truly, I felt a small and insignificant being created by God Almighty...

Notes 6: After lunch at a 'halal' restaurant, went to a local plantation which produces coffee and cocoa. This plantation is situated in a remote village that's far away from Mount Batur. I learnt that all the products are hand-made, ie. minimal use of machinery involved in processing coffee and cocoa. In other words, traditional labour intensive industry.

There's a specially produced coffee here called 'Kopi Luwak'. I am told that a particular animal (I don't know its name but have seen the creature there) plays a very crucial part in coffee production. I shouldn't be telling you...

After a short tour of the farm, was brought to a hut to taste the local-made flavours: chocolate, lemon and ginger drinks. Somehow the chocolate drink blends well with my taste buds!

Notes 7: Next stop, a view of the terraced field in Tegallalang. Harvesting of rice was just done about a week ago so the view may not be splendid, I was told. Pak Wayan also said that there is an even better scenery of the terraced rice field - one which Julia Roberts was also featured in the movie Eat, Love, Pray, and a place of interest that's a must-see.

The hot, humid weather kept the visit short. Off to the very popular Kuta Beach to see the sunset, hopefully...

Notes 8: Arrived at Kuta beach at 5pm. About an hour to sunset. Wow! Fantastic view of the beach. Never have I seen a long stretch of beach that's seemingly endless.

Crowds of people from all ages, skin colour or nationality thronged the beach. Kuta beach was once featured in the reality show Bondi Rescue shown on National Geographic Channel.

But sunset was a no show as the sky was filled with clouds. A little disappointed because Kuta beach is an ideal location in Bali.

Notes 9: The sun eventually sets. I must have snapped too many pictures for the day that the camera battery died. The spare battery that I carried was of no use too as the power was drained in just less than a minute. So, for the next place of visit at night time, no photography...

** Read also The Bali Journals: Day One

2011-01-20T19:00:00.005+08:00

I can't be perfect... Not anymore.

Mad World...

2011-01-19T07:58:00.000+08:00

"All around me are familiar faces,
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races,
Going no where, going no where...

And the tears are filling up their glasses,
No expression, no expression
And in my head I want to drown my sorrow,
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kind of funny,
I find it kind of sad,
And the dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
And I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very... mad world... mad world..."

Just an appropriate song that reflects what I feel and think for some long time now...

The Rocky Horror Show reviewed

2011-01-16T09:48:00.000+08:00

WITH so much hype, the only logical thing to do was to satisfy the curiosity palate by going to the theatre. Having little knowledge about The Rocky Horror Show, which apparently has been taking the whole world by storm for more than 30 years, I stepped into the theatre to a great surprise... and confusion.

Some people came dressed in flamboyant and outrageous attire. Among the audience were males in red corsets and tight black boxers accompanied with feather boa around their necks. Then, a few hunks walked in topless - just clad in tight bright boxers and a big wig over their heads. I wondered if they had caused a stir of controversy among the Singaporean public by parading themselves along the streets while on the way to The Esplanade.

As more and more members of the audience - both males and females - appeared in what seemed like a costume frenzy, loud cheers and claps filled the air. Thankfully, most of the audience in the theatre were decently, if not fashionably dressed for the occasion. I felt amused at the chaos and mayhem but I soon understood that The Rocky Horror Show is going to be a musical that breaks the conventions or boundaries of social norms.

The Rocky Horror Show tells a story about a young couple who got stranded in the rain after their car broke down. Trying to search a telephone to get help, they found themselves in a castle belonging to a transvestite. A hell of music and dance break loose accompanied by so much camp and raunchiness.

The audience cheered, some sang and dance when rock 'n' roll songs familiar to them were wonderfully and powerfully sung by the professional cast members. Unfortunately, somewhere in Act II, I got lost in a spew of dialogues that were delivered like a speeding bullet hence, I could not quite comprehend the continuity of the story. Nonetheless, the songs in The Rocky Horror Show are likeable. The cast and musicians presented a performance with great energy and vibe that sent reverberations among the audience in the theatre.

Being a "Rocky Virgin", this musical is nonetheless truly entertaining. It is freaky but fun. It is less brainy but clever. While it is flirtatious and notorious, The Rocky Horror Show is still deliciously sexy.

Burlesque reviewed

2011-01-15T13:18:00.000+08:00

WHO COULD imagine that the film industry would see the appearance of one of the greatest singing legends and one of the most contemporary pop icons on the silver screen together?

Enter Burlesque, a movie that's all about pomp, fame, glamour, music, dance and mayhem. This cabaret-like movie might just want you to put on your dancing shoes, wear skimpy clothes (ahem... ahem) and have lots of fun performing on stage.

And that's how I could relate myself to when I watched this movie last night. Ali, played by the loud but strong vocal Christina Aguilera, is a small town girl who wants to make it big in the performing arts. She makes her way to the city in search of fulfulling her innermost desire to perform and dazzle the audience. Ali stumbles upon Burlesque, a rundown theatre that's on the brink of closure after getting into problems with the banks.

She tries to convince Tess, the owner of the club played by Cher, to allow her to dance and sing 'live', something which the other performers of Burlesque are lacking. Tess eventually found that innate and hidden talent revealed one day and makes Ali the star of the club eventually. Well, that's the big picture.

The movie is generally fun to watch but, I found some scenes less relevant as it loses pacing and meaning at some parts.. The dialogues are witty and clever at times and for first-time on screen actor, Christina Aguilera did pretty well. It was amazing to watch her dance and sing but at some points, her acting failed to deliver.

Cher, on the other hand, looks... well, timeless. I tried to spot wrinkles and signs of old age from this 65 year-old singer-actress but I could find none. I then wondered if the movie makers might have applied some computer-generated imagery (CGI) on her but I doubt that was done during post-production. Still, Cher carried her presence on screen.

Burlesque is a feel good and sexy movie that might probably get you strutting or executing one or two dance moves while making your way out of the cinema...

My ratings: ****/5

Goodbye's (The Saddest Word) by Celine Dion

2011-01-14T09:04:00.000+08:00

A TRULY meaningful song by one of my favourite female singer, Celine Dion. Every time I listen to this, it never fails to send goosebumps and a tear that welts from the corner of my eyes... Enjoy

Mamma
You gave life to me
Turned a baby into a lady

Mamma
All you had to offer
Was the promise of a lifetime of love

Now I know
There is no other
Love like a mother's love for her child

And I know
A love so complete
Someday must leave
Must say goodbye

Goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever hear
Goodbye's the last time I will hold you near
Someday you'll say that word and I will cry
It'll break my heart to hear you say goodbye

Mamma
You gave love to me
Turned a young one into a woman

Mamma
All I ever needed
Was a guarantee of you loving me

'Cause I know
There is no other
Love like a mother's love for her child

And it hurts so
That something so strong
Someday will be gone, must say goodbye

Goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever hear
Goodbye's the last time I will hold you near
Someday you'll say that word and I will cry
It'll break my heart to hear you say goodbye

But the love you gave me will always live
You'll always be there every time I fall
You are to me the greatest love of all
You take my weakness and you make me strong
And I will always love you 'til forever comes

And when you need me
I'll be there for you always
I'll be there your whole life through
I'll be there this I promise you, Mamma

Mamma, I'll be
I'll be your beacon through the darkest nights
I'll be the wings that guide your broken flight
I'll be your shelter through the raging storm
And I will love you 'till forever comes

Goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever hear
Goodbye's the last time I will hold you near
Someday you'll say that word and I will cry
It'll break my heart to hear you say goodbye

'Till we meet again...
Until then...
Goodbye

Exhaustion

2011-01-12T20:43:00.008+08:00

HUNGER pangs set in since the moment I got home from work at around 7pm. My body was just physically drained after all the energy was sapped from the day's work. My mind was empty with no thoughts about what I should do to fill the empty stomach.

I have been sitting in front of the computer staring at the blank Word document on screen. Occasionally, I checked my Inboxes only to discover that my mailboxes were flooded with spams and advertisements. Reluctantly, I deleted them one by one.

Exhaustion overwhelmed me today. The lengthy meeting at the work place could have ended earlier. I found not much purpose in getting everyone to gather from 3pm to listen to the lengthy and boring presentation, when we were eventually told that we will be scheduled to attend a detailed training some time soon. Time was wasted unnecessarily.

My eyes were droopy and my body was rather tired. Among the other staff members, I sensed that not many of them were paying attention. Having no intention to fall asleep, I kept myself occupied by listening and following the instructions given by the instructors on how to gain access to some online portal. A colleague seated behind me commented on my "good boy" behaviour despite the "torture" of sitting through the presentation. I could not disagree with her.

Then, one item after another from the Agenda list was shared to the staff. Again, I found that a waste of time and energy being at the meeting. Why can't the not-so-important information just be conveyed via email instead?! Somehow, I dread the entire day. And I wished it could have been more productive and meaningful.

I closed the Word document eventually after failing to overcome the restlessness. I could not think. Seriously, I am tired. And hungry... I refused to take a walk to the nearest food court to buy my dinner.

I dragged my feet to the kitchen, found the remaining loaf of bread, spread margarine and laid down 3 slices of bread on the plate. I boiled water with the intention to make myself a cup of Milo but heaved a sigh of frustration.

Photo source: http://www.giantbomb.com/forums/general-discussion/30/racism-in-video-games/6997/

That's it. I'm switching off my computer. Abandon any thoughts of doing work and just watch TV. And I hope to sleep early...

2011-01-12T13:25:00.001+08:00

IT IS only the second week of the month and I feel exhausted and tired already.

I feel a little out of place for some reasons unexplained.

Sigh.

Sleepless... again

2011-01-10T04:01:00.002+08:00

I CAN'T sleep. I decided to wake up and sit upright on the couch. My eyes were closed for quite a long while but I was still aware of my surroundings. The droning of the wall fan, the occasionally soft dripping sounds of water droplets from the tap in the kitchen, the faint sound of moving traffic from the road in front of my house and the mewing of the stray cat downstairs.

I don't know why I just could not get back to sleep. It's not the Monday blues that I'm concerned with... I need some distraction from the mind that reminds me of how I had left some matters open and wounded with no form of closure that moving on to greater things become stifled.

It's the fear of the unknown consequences that must have bothered me till this end. It's the guilt that haunts me, and will forever haunt me for as long as I live. It's the attempt to pick up the shattered and broken pieces of the heart that left me numb and at times, ignorant of my own actions, thoughts and feelings towards self and others.

I want to live freely and not shoulder the weight of my past. Yet, I cower behind false walls at facing any painful truths.

I am just a failure, in my own personal world. Like the hermit in a shell, whose true feelings and emotions will remain within the confines of his own walls...

The day I spent too much in just a little time...

2011-01-08T14:31:00.000+08:00

FANCY spending almost $600 in just about 3 hours?

Yes, that was what happened on Thursday night. It was just a simple trip to Orchard Road after work to purchase my Biotherm facial products, which eventually cost me $200. Then after dinner, it was a tour to Far East Plaza shopping centre with little or no intention to buy anything.

Above: Just one of the Biotherm products that I usually purchase and use

However, as I stepped into a shop that sells men's clothes, I became distracted as I spotted a nice shirt on display. The lady at the counter encouraged me to put on the shirt. In the fitting room, I looked at myself in the mirror. Then, I found another shirt and another, and another.

I kept trying them on to see how it fits and I could not resist not buying them because they were all very nice and fashionable. I found myself in a mood to shop. And usually, when I do start, I might just find myself difficult to stop shopping.

Eventually, I paid about $400 for pants and some short- and long-sleeved shirts.

No more shopping for clothes for the next five months...

Sleepless

2011-01-03T06:53:00.003+08:00

THE ALARM clock ticked at 5.45 a.m. however, I found myself already out of bed 45 minutes before it set off. It is not the work anxiety that kept me awake. The madness at the workplace only begins tomorrow.

My mind lingered on many things. There is still great heaviness inside as experiences in the year that just passed clearly remain. Unable to bear and give up the weight, I am uncertain if I can still carry on pretending. The burden of the heart needs to be off my chest but for some reasons, complications result and I am unable to relate and convey deep feelings and thoughts. I become confused.

The more complicated and tangled the feelings and emotion get, it becomes a subject of taboo, the more I push the load beyond the boundaries of conversation. It is stressful.

Maybe I need counselling and therapy...

It's alright. All I am thinking of right now is a plan for the day. Perhaps, I will head down to office and get some things done, then shop for some items which I need quite badly...

I will leave you with a latest music video by Afgan, Bawalah Cintaku, that's still popular in the Indonesian music charts.

Sumpah tak ada lagi

Kesempatanku untuk bisa bersamamu

Kini ku tahu bagaimana cara ku

Untuk dapat trus denganmu

Bawalah pergi cintaku

Pada ke mana pun kau mau

Jadikan temanmu

Temanmu paling kau cinta

Di sini ku pun begitu

Terus cintaimu di hidupku

Di dalam hatiku

Sampai waktu yang pertemukan

Kita nanti

Crazy and ridiculous

2011-01-01T10:39:00.001+08:00

CRAZY and ridiculous. I had forgotten how difficult it would be hail a taxi once the crowd leaves the mass gathering area even long after the fireworks display. In fact, I was not really that keen to watch the 8-minutes presentation at Marina Bay.

It was already 2 a.m. There was madness as people scrambled to the road, cutting one another's queue and flagging for a taxi furiously despite seeing the red "Hired" sign on top of every passing vehicle.

Everywhere you turn, along the main or side roads, pockets of revellers lined themselves up. Some inconsiderate idiots simply won't leave but pleaded the cab driver to drive them home even after being told that he was waiting for an On Call customer.

The Dial-a-Cab service was also pointless as one is frequently greeted with a busy tone.

Damn. Only after walking a distance and an hour later, the phone booking was successful. Soon, the taxi arrived. Home sweet home.

Now I remember one of the reasons why I dread Christmas and New Year celebrations.

Goodbye 2010, Hello 2011.

2010-12-31T17:45:00.001+08:00

BEING the last day of the year 2010, people make new resolutions and set new directions for themselves.

Exchanges of greetings in celebration of the joys for the new year take place at work. Telephone conversations end with well wishes for each other. On blogs, expressions of hopes, aspirations and desires are evident as bloggers post entries that reflect conviction to let bygones be bygones. On some, writers are a little skeptical about the things that may come but still hope for a betterment.

So what resolution(s) will I give for Year 2011? Frankly, nothing. Because I don't believe in making and keeping one. New year or not, the day goes by as per normal. The sun rises in the east and still sets in the west. Nothing is different. Nothing changes.

As party revellers toast at the stroke of midnight, life will still go on when the clock strike 12.01am. Roads once congested and busy as crowds thronged Orchard Road, Marina Bay and many other areas across the island become empty again while people leave behind trails of rubbish and mess they create right after that. They go home. Sleep. Then, wake up to another routines of life.

Since I currently live in a rental flat, I won't find myself miraculously sitting comfortably in a posh condominium after midnight. I won't notice having a sudden increase in my savings account after that precise moment. And I won't grow any taller, more handsome and muscular with a snap of my finger.

So is celebrating the New Year really special then? I don't feel special. As I watched the clock and thinking about the photography expedition I will engage in later, I feel little excitement. Only thrilled about the night photography session.

It is just perception that people have and associate with the new year that makes it somewhat different and special for them. Come next Monday, it is still almost the same amount of work that you have to deal with yearly.

I sound skeptical and frustrated. I know. Why? I wish I have the answer when the fireworks go at exactly 12.00am on January 1, 2011.

Happy New Year everyone.

Creative European trucks

2010-12-27T18:56:00.007+08:00

ADVERTISERS in Europe (unfortunately, I don't know which part) have another creative way of grabbing attention from consumers. They have used trucks as a means of reaching out to the masses. These photographs will show you:

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Seems creative indeed. But wait! Upon close inspection of the photographs, there's a strange suspicion about its authenticity.

Would you think that they have been edited through Photoshop or some photo editing softwares??